Solivagus Posted October 9, 2003 Author Report Posted October 9, 2003 Bitter blade bit pale skin To bring the pain out from within A desperate cry that none may hear Cuts through the air to disappear A plea for help that none may see Now stains the skin in front of me Thoughts are blades through troubled minds Tearing skin to feel alive A violent kiss for one alone How my life has changed its tone Frustration and a helpless tension Slung me to a new dimension Weary eyes watched desperate hands Wage a war on foreign lands.
Solivagus Posted October 9, 2003 Author Report Posted October 9, 2003 (edited) Cut myself today I’m alive because it hurt I’m slowly losing all my senses I had to feel alert I just had to feel alive I had to feel the pain But the thing that hurts the most is I know I’ll bleed again I’ll never tell my friends Because then they’ll know too much There’s no one I’m that close to No one I can trust I have no solution I know no cure As blood distracts my helpless mind I know I’ve been here before It helps for a while It helps for a day Pain replaces all my feelings Lets them fade away Tomorrow brings the scars Tomorrow brings the healing The emptiness creeps in again Until that’s all I’m feeling Edited October 9, 2003 by Solivagus
Solivagus Posted October 9, 2003 Author Report Posted October 9, 2003 Truth and lies together Forming endless passageways Paradigms dimly light Life’s impossible tangled maze To and fro I wander lost And yet I ponder thus What shall we do when all men fall To the poisons of their lusts When shifting sands of our desires Dim the lights of grace Will we then see the damages That time cannot erase When neither winds or rains Nor blazing flames Are wont to purge The filthy stains Of hopelessness and misery That we ourselves have wrought The failures and the pains That upon our children we have brought.
Solivagus Posted October 9, 2003 Author Report Posted October 9, 2003 In honour of my parents... I Hate I hate the way you look at me And the way you act as if you care I hate the concerned look you have in your eyes And I hate the kindness you try to share I wish I could pound you into the ground Get rid of you for good I never want to see your face again If I could make you disappear I would. I hate how you try to open me up Like there’s something inside I should tell I hate how you try to get to know me As far as I’m concerned, go to hell I hate how you know every secret You can tell every time I lie I hate you for sensing what I hold inside I hate you for stopping me from suicide. I hate you for catching me when I fell I’m pushing you away, there’s too much to hide But before I go back to hating you Please hold me one last time.
Solivagus Posted October 9, 2003 Author Report Posted October 9, 2003 Lost and Found Lost. Searching for answers in a world without questions; Lost in myself. Lost with myself. Hunting for help where help is not offered; Looking for hope in all that is lost. Seeking belonging in a world with no one, nobody, nothing. Lost. My existence, life, and one true passion Lost when the one thing that held it was stripped, Taken, stolen, lost. I’ve lost everything, and left with nothing. But sometimes my nothing is better than everything. Lost. Caught up in life, heading nowhere. Lost in the rush, the nervousness of being. Why and I here? Where do I belong? Not here. Not now. But there. Then. Then, when all lost is hope, and nothing is everything. No longer lost, looking for an answer to fill that void. But found, done looking, done searching and hunting for ‘it’. Done wasting my life on beautiful nothings. Found.
Solivagus Posted October 11, 2003 Author Report Posted October 11, 2003 Death is Near Im in a world of shadows Demons are my only friends I tremble in fear, knowing they are near Yet I long for their touch, their deadly embrace I cannot move, I cannot escape They are behind me, in front of me, everywhere I cannot see them, but I know they are there Waiting, silent, patient I hear them inch closer, step by step Their sharp talons tapping the floor I feel their breath on my body A hot breeze that makes my blood go cold I want to run, I want to hide I can only stand there, my arms open wide "Come to me my friends" I hear myself say While inside I scream, stop, stay away I do not fear death, I welcome its embrace As I cry in fear and pain, my voice forever silent My demon friends take me into a world unknown Claws ripping, teeth biting, death is finally here.
Solivagus Posted October 11, 2003 Author Report Posted October 11, 2003 Alone Bleeding I die for no one, not even myself. I waited for the sun to come, it took too long. Bleeding I die alone, alone I lived, alone I died. All alone I couldn't stay strong, all along I cried. Pull my posters off the wall, all alone, I'm not going to need them anymore. Touching my treasured ring, the memories, alone. My life what a waste, a hole, someone else other than me deserved this soul. All alone fighting to find one reason to stay here. Fighting this oncoming fear of going insane. Feeling the acid rain burning my skin. All alone my will to live growing dim, tears fill to the brim. All alone I bleed, and I bleed for no one. I know no one will come, I die alone, alone forever more. I try to die, but I don't have anyone to die for.
Solivagus Posted October 11, 2003 Author Report Posted October 11, 2003 Death to us all Death to us all, laughing while the angels fall, I see their wings consumed by flames, fore evil has a name, I wade through the ashes of love, all the while raining tears of blood, Washed in sin, let darkness begin, Can you hear the rattling of bones, I enjoy being alone, Hate flows through my veins, my soul has been stained, The smile on my face is from this horrid place, Another life has failed, the air here is stale, In the eyes of the beholder, I am death's soldier, My soul already gone, and you dare ask me what's wrong, Well look into your heart, has it been torn apart, Fore mine has been taken, now I'm left forsaken, Acid tears burn my face, scars of pain left to replace, Look into my eyes, watch as my soul dies, I'm beyond the point of no return, smiling as the world burns, The gift of death I look to achieve, but the prize always eludes me, I feast on the souls of the damned, grant me the power to destroy this land, The center of darkness, a human shell that's heartless, Bodies at rest, accepting her cold caress, I'm bringing Armageddon to the door steps of heaven.
Beautiful Nightmare Posted October 11, 2003 Report Posted October 11, 2003 wow nice collection i love all the poems ur an excellent writter! As my brother said keep them coming!
Solivagus Posted October 13, 2003 Author Report Posted October 13, 2003 Lucidity only lasts just a few short days. Reality sets in his soul passion splits in many ways. Brevity lost out with last century's parlor call. Stability of spirit gone with the leaves of fall. Piety not a quality that attraction exists. Rarity of attendance laspses in a tryst. Caution rises quickly a red flag in the heart. Exhaustion waves it's banner excitement's brand new start. Auction off your soul takers all beware. Motion in delay let the day please be fair. Emotion ruins lives matters pushed aside. Friction for the few destiny abides.
Solivagus Posted October 13, 2003 Author Report Posted October 13, 2003 Darkness descends upon a weakened mind, Horror filled thoughts race to and fro, Saliva drools in rivers of slime down the chin, Coating the floor in a slick slippery sickness, Moving around in muddled daze, Haunted memories confused and endless, Relationships have come and gone, I had friends once but now nothing, Only emptiness so hollow and stark, Gaunt sallow skin hangs in folds, Where I was once a proud man, I am now broken and diseased, Where once love ruled my very actions, Only aggressive hate thrives there now, Now I only talk to my own shadows, And listen to evil whispers where there are none, I am so covered in self-inflicted scars, Where I have tried to carve away the infectious thoughts, Yet they are still there and nothing seems to help, I still feel it slithering around within, Clawing about under my skin, I feel my inner self-trying to escape, Trying to rip free of this putrid existence, Where life is my enemy and death is my only friend, Gasping for air my mind is falling apart, Nothing but a lecherous void left, Sucking down all sanity down into a cavernous pit, Screaming brings no relief, Clawing at my face trying to peel away my fear, Great red rivers gush and spray, As I rip away at a once beautiful face, Walls are coated in my vile fluids, My world is crumbling around me, As darkness descends leaving behind all I held dear, Sucking upon my wounded soul, Drinking me dry and leaving a withered husk, Until even that is just ashes and dust, Where I was once here I am now just a distant memory.
Solivagus Posted October 13, 2003 Author Report Posted October 13, 2003 Night... Middle of a lake... Half frozen from winter... I'm swimming into nothingness.. I'm cold, so cold.. I think I'm going to drown.. Send me a lifeline... Save me, save me... I'm going down... Water fills me... Choking my every breath... Leaving my lungs in total distress.. 30 seconds till I die.. What have I accomplished? What have I done? God, I'm gonna cry.. Don't make me suffer The tears I cry just disappear And mingle with the murky water Turning to icicles when they touch My face turns to stone... I am all alone in death As I was in life I AM DEAD... Not a breath of life in me There's no point anymore You can't save me... Too late... I've drowned
Solivagus Posted October 13, 2003 Author Report Posted October 13, 2003 Cor, wonder how many pages I can make this last for... Wishing Don't waste your time on wishing upon those lifeless stars. There's no one there to hear you , Or help to heal the scars. There won't be any message in a dream to ease your pain, Don't waste your time on wishing, There's nothing you will gain. Don't waste your time on wishing upon the wishing well. There's no one deep inside it , To free you from your cell. It won't supply the answers to a life lived in despair. Don't waste your time on wishes, They disappear into thin air Don't waste your time believing it will all turn out all right, There won't be any miracles to lighten up your night , Don't waste time wishing foolishly for what can never be.... Don't waste your time on wishing, 'Cause it never worked for me.
Solivagus Posted October 13, 2003 Author Report Posted October 13, 2003 There is a solitude that only few can find it is a place they live in inside their mind The loss of life the will to live gives them a place to hide it is a burning up of everything inside Images of self worth run like water down the drain It is taken there by despair and pain No human voice no special friend this passage can stop hope just ends There are few answers but one is true the most cruel person is you to you
Halo Posted October 13, 2003 Report Posted October 13, 2003 Cor, wonder how many pages I can make this last for...Many more I expect. Your ability to write such good poetry never fails to amaze me. As a result I may be forced to hug you! *pounces on Solivagus and hugs him to death* :woot:
Solivagus Posted October 13, 2003 Author Report Posted October 13, 2003 (edited) I climb out of the bed, ready for another day in hell, Immediately a headache consumes my head, Pushing on my brain, making me go insane. Slowly walking towards the bathroom, Searching for a hidden devil, In every corner of the room, waiting, waiting, For something to jump out and take me down. As I reach the bathroom door, and slowly push it open, I see around the corner, what I believe to be Satan. Now my minds going wild, and I can’t get anything straight, And as the cat leaps up at me, I feel as though I’m about to die. For a second everything settles, and I reach down to stroke the cat, Then I glance up, and see my reflection in the mirror. Suddenly everything goes blurry and my mind starts to tumble, Trying to find a way out of this mess, I push open the cupboard door. I reach in and grab the first bottle I touch, and then hold it to my face, Letters fly through the air, but I can see clearly enough to read the word Aropax. I pull off the lid and empty the contents into my hands, Then shove them down my throat and try to swallow them whole. Slowly my world returns to normal and out of the corner of my eye I see a bottle, So I take a hold and read the words, and suddenly I know how to end my suffering. I can see my cat looking at me, trying to make me feel guilty, Guilty for abandoning him. I take him in my arms and pet his soft fur, Then I walk downstairs and give him his last feed from me. Taking the pills one more time, not leaving one to spare, A dry throat, suddenly thirsty, I take a shot of vodka, Hoping for it to wash down the pills. My whole world turns blurry and I can’t see anymore, So down I fall, down to the floor. I lie there for a while and start to cry, Can’t believe what I just done, can’t believe I could take my life. Darkness slowly envelops me and I find it hard to see, No words can come from my mouth, I realize as I silently scream. I hear a door open, but its too late now, I hear someone scream but the end has come to me now. I can feel a soft touch upon my arm, I’m sorry I try to say, sorry for giving in. Please forgive me for making your life hell, I didn’t mean to turn into what you had always resented. I’m sorry for not being here for you when you needed me the most, I just can’t go on anymore, please understand. Edited October 13, 2003 by Solivagus
Solivagus Posted October 13, 2003 Author Report Posted October 13, 2003 Try to kill myself? Now why would I want to do that Halo? Failed attempt Desperation and fear guide me Darkness and death call me I search for a way to end it all A gun, no, too messy A knife, no, too painful Pills, worth a try Frustration mounts as I cant find any Look in the kitchen Search the bathroom Even look under the bed At last I find what I need But will it be enough Carefully I count the pills Knowing in this I will fail Its only Tylenol after all Have to know how many I took So I can know how many to try When I wake up from this nightmare Its too long swallowing one by one Just throw them all in my mouth Nothing better to chase it down Than a bottle of vodka The burning doesn’t last My throat goes numb It doesn’t take long For my stomach to resist I cant keep them down The pain is almost too much The way my stomach feels I might as well have swallowed gasoline I knew death wouldn’t come easily I wonder how many tries it will take How many pills will I have to swallow Or should I just take the easy way The one way I know to end it all With the gun barrel in my mouth?
Solivagus Posted October 13, 2003 Author Report Posted October 13, 2003 Never to be found Hidden in a forest so far away, Where the air is dense and darkness holds sway, Where I walk slowly lost and unsure, Following a path with a hidden lure, Of a lost love and a chance to be free, A chance to get rid of the evil within me, Between ancient trees so tall and very old, Where the ground is covered in a carpet of mold, Walking upon a packed and stony trail, With each step gases are released smelling so stale, Of old sweat and dried blood and forgotten tears, I wonder if I am going the right way or am just I inducing more fears, I am tall of body and slim of frame, Dark eyed with a mind only just sane, I have a black aura surrounding me, Something that wriggles and writhes struggling to be free, I know it to be evil twisted corrupted and impure, I am fighting it with my all but my struggles are getting fewer and fewer, In the distance a break in the trees where there is a light, Finally is this where I can put an end to this fight? But no just another turn a different path, Within me my inner demons cackle and laugh, Stepping out and beyond blinking my eyes so they can adjust, I see a deep dark sinister cave covered in brown like rust, Moans in agony scream forth from its gaping maw, Slime drips from monstrous stalagmites into pools of gore, Knowing that I must step forth into this frightening place, With hesitant steps I move forward as my heart starts to race, My ears are hammered with unearthly sounds, Coming from past souls trying to drag free of sucking mounds, Knowing this might be the end where the living has no right, I fight to keep from gagging as my eyes take in the putrid sight, How can a sickly place like this exist? Full of disease spewing forth from an evil mist, As I start to sink deeper into this muck, And my mind starts to fall apart I find I am now stuck, With no way forward and no way back, My mind starts to lose its grip and my will goes slack, Now I know this is where I will be forever bound, Then so do I die never to be free never to be found.
Solivagus Posted October 13, 2003 Author Report Posted October 13, 2003 Pains of the Past The pains of the past How they loom in my soul They have different names Each story untold They drift and they drag Filling their bags Each happy feeling marked with a tag They stuff them all in Squeeze if they must All my good feelings Disappearing at once And then deep inside they pull and they pry Then release their hatred all through my inside It floats through my veins Out my mouth it seeps Words of bitterness is all that I speak I have no strength left to endure My heart has grown so very sore
Solivagus Posted October 14, 2003 Author Report Posted October 14, 2003 The Vampire Within Eyes bitter twisted and Pure evil reign Slowly feeding of your skin As each drop of blood is drained. Fallen blood touches your skin Turns your eyes a shade of green, Twisted hatred in your skin as it rips Through your heart, Like needles through your energy As it rips you apart. Slowly fading away into the dark, No receding light, Just memories of your past As you seep into the night as the sun falls down It burns your pure sin As the vampire inside of you Gets inside your skin.
Solivagus Posted October 14, 2003 Author Report Posted October 14, 2003 The stars glare unblinking Cold as the ice The moon is of no help The jester of blight They fall through the cell And bring with them fatigue They entice their victims And make them believe With night come the horrors And the dreams sank in, Sweet Prolonged are life’s tortures As the time draws on the Weak Judged by the world, who knows of him—none Expelled by his peers, for he is but one Unknowing of crime, and oblivious to his infraction The purest of souls takes the greatest of actions With day ensues anguish Inseparable, uncouth The scorn of the brazen eyes Those fearers of truth Resigned to his sentence, the convict walks on His trial unjust, his torture too long Accused of a crime He’s never commit His fate was decided By a battle of wits. Unending the hardships Interminable pain How is one to survive And keep his soul, Unchained?
Solivagus Posted October 14, 2003 Author Report Posted October 14, 2003 This isn't to be taken personally I hate you all, I hate this day, hours where, I waste away, listening to you, you savage beasts, as you greedily talk, over a feast, priding each other, on all your success, looking down on me, as if I’m so much less, glaring at me, as if I were dirt, you might think I’m nothing, but I’m not hurt, think what you want, I do not care, tempt me, try me, ridicule me, glare, no wonder you hate me, you know I’ll be the one to make it, with you judging the world, your always going to have to fake it, so climb back up on your throne, made of lies and low self esteem, and I’ll keep on building mine, from real success, real dreams.
Solivagus Posted October 14, 2003 Author Report Posted October 14, 2003 (edited) You'd think I'd be tired of writing about suicide by now wouldn't you? Each night I drift to fitful sleep My dreams are strained my frown is deep Every morning I wake early Cold, sweating, alive but barely With tangled sheets enclosing me Each day I fight to struggle free I feel trapped, surrounded, broken All my friends just watch me choking I hate them, I hate myself I just can’t cope, this life is hell The more they know, the less I share For all the signs that others bare, I myself have clearly shown And now I feel more alone Everything I see turns grey Everyone just turns away Outside I’m silent and appear calm Inside I hear a deafening alarm It echoes all round my brain And my ears go numb from the pain So here’s the end to my façade As my world falls apart Finally, i know it will end And I hold up a gun to my head Edited October 14, 2003 by Solivagus
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