Alaeha Posted September 8, 2003 Report Posted September 8, 2003 I've wanted to do this for a while... because I realized that I just didn't like my application poem anymore. So last night I finally sat down and worked through a complete rewrite of it. I renamed it as well, since the original title wasn't as fitting anymore. So you can consider this either a revamp of my application, or an offshoot. (The original is at http://www.patrickdurham.net/themightypen/index.php?showtopic=8515 , for those who want a comparison...) Possession Laying on the stony ground, she watched her life’s blood flow away. Without the strength to make a sound, she fought to hold the dark at bay. A demon banished long ago, regained his form at love’s expense. The girl’s love had slain his foe, but lost his soul in recompense. Then, as he’d bargained in advance, the demon gave him, for a while his faculties. A final chance to bid farewell, and reconcile. The man who sold his soul in rage rushed over to his near-dead friend, his loved companion’s final wage was drawing nigh. Then came the end. Before the man could speak a word, a light flared up within her eyes. Her final plea she cried. He heard and honored, forming mystic ties. She gave to him her final breath, which cast with it a mystic spell. Her spirit, cast out by her death, fought with the demon spawned in hell. The fight was fierce, the battle hard, yet in the end it was a draw. The demon stayed, but still a shard of human soul brought with it law. The demon with a human side left battlefields of many kinds. The paths were many, choices wide, He had within him many minds.
Peredhil Posted September 8, 2003 Report Posted September 8, 2003 I think this one shows the story, instead of telling it, a bit more.
Ayshela Posted October 3, 2003 Report Posted October 3, 2003 well done, and in the comparison a lovely display of your growth as a writer. *hugs*
WrenWind Posted October 6, 2003 Report Posted October 6, 2003 (edited) *wanders off to read the origional * Not that i am very good at comapisons. I did enjoy this though. Edited October 6, 2003 by WrenWind
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