Loki Wyrd Posted September 4, 2003 Report Posted September 4, 2003 Beware of Eddie White Beware of him my son For he travels with bad company And carries with him a gun He is a mean and little man As many are you'll find You're better off without his type This you'll come to see in time He shot a man on Main Street In the darkness of the night Like a coward and a villain Is this Eddie White There are many in this world, I fear Of whom I would not have you meet Sooner spit upon you standing there And take the shoes right off your feet But I would have you show compassion And be kind through all your days The world needs more goodness More kindness, and more grace I can not make you any promises That your life shall treat you right But if you lead a good one You've already beaten Eddie White I don't know where this came from, though I think I like it. I'm not satisfied with the final line though. Any suggestions?
Lashienne Andvari Posted September 4, 2003 Report Posted September 4, 2003 I really liked this poem, it has a positive message. It also reminds me of someone else's writing but I can't think of the name.... *shrugs*. Anyway, great work
Peredhil Posted September 4, 2003 Report Posted September 4, 2003 I hear music as I read this. suggested last line, You're better off than Eddie White. It's pieces like this which make me wish I had more time to spend at the Pen reading... -Peredhil
Parmenion Posted September 6, 2003 Report Posted September 6, 2003 But lad, if you lead a good one You have beaten Eddie White My suggestion. Damn good read! Flowed very nicely I thought. Well done man
Loki Wyrd Posted September 13, 2003 Author Report Posted September 13, 2003 Thanks for your replies and suggestions. I shall take them into consideration.
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