reverie Posted September 1, 2003 Report Posted September 1, 2003 01 SEP2003 (revision 6 to mend the break) Walking (a.k.a Dark Rainy Night and Dark Dreary Night) ©Dreamlost Collection, Vol. I 2002 Late December. Passing the time, with wondering mind Wrapped in darkness shivering Rhythms play in my head Walking in this rainy night… Clearest in the numbing cold, I feel safe. Worlds from my past Flow chaotic, on a tune… Quietly hummed, the process resumes: So steal a beat, add repeat Meld a theme, to think in stream... Remind your mind to lose some time And coat yourself in nature's rhyme To selfishly star in your self-styled stories, And dwell in past with love you’d forgotten Open the wounds that once you did cover Open them up, to help you recover And kindle this fire to slight your regrets... Make silly the story, half-hidden, you fret You’re always so lovely, though rarely so kind It’s not what you bury, but what’s in your mind Pain's a jester, So sweet’s her nectar In darkness, lovers did sigh But when you remember, that cold cold December In darkness, lovers will cry So spin, spun a song for myself, Selfishly crying then laughing It's too bad I feel nothing. I feel nothing at all. Tired the numbness, though it must love us Anything’s better, than nothing at all- When, standing numb to shiver Wouldn’t it be better to quiver? Isn't this silly, makes no sense at all So let the cold rain of night, freeze my heart warm. And muffle my mind, to let loose the storm And chain it to rhythm, to set up the streams To quiet the demons, and silence the screams: Of Rage and of Worry, Of Fear and Regret The Tragic, the Bitten The Burned and the Set Upon which I list and I wax in my rage… Let the cold rain of night - Make me shudder contained To mirror my shiver and cover the pain. And if all was made clever, and all was made terse Then roll back the black torrent in a spate of rhymed verse If your rhythm’s not platinum, but you flow just the same Search more than the phrases; sung true they will tame… As I keep walking, words of rhyme fill my mind For a time, I find peace - an emotional release But sweeter’s the feeling Where void stood before… It only seems tragic if too often ignored… The reasons for meanings The fear before rage The hum before singing The feelings left saved Catching chaos now fleeing At the door we must part… It was only me walking, to unbury my heart… revery the dreamlost "the answer is C(modern folklore)" the dream continues...
Parmenion Posted September 1, 2003 Report Posted September 1, 2003 /me claps aloud This was a simply marvellous read! It reads for me as a song (hopefully thats how it was intended ). Thoroughly enjoyable - these lines were my favourite: Open the wounds that once you did cover Open them up, to help you recover Bravo!
Tattered Posted September 1, 2003 Report Posted September 1, 2003 "But sweeter’s the feeling Where void stood before… It only seems tragic if too often ignored… " So many of your little stanzas have great depth. Some of your phrases are abstract, leaving them open to various interpretation. While others seem defined. Very good combo. I like the pictures you paint. Irony, double meanings... Captured. Very nice.
reverie Posted September 2, 2003 Author Report Posted September 2, 2003 (edited) thanx... it's my master piece... I've been editing it for almost 2 years now... trying to get it right... one day i'll be happy with it... revery the dreamlost "life is an orange: it bitter, sweet, circular, and kinda messy" the dream continues... Edited September 2, 2003 by reverie
Peredhil Posted September 2, 2003 Report Posted September 2, 2003 I think I like this incarnation best of those I've seen. I would quote some of the most striking lines, but I'd have to cut and paste much of the poem. I think you're getting deeper as a poet.
Tanuchan Posted January 23, 2005 Report Posted January 23, 2005 This is a beautiful poem, and has a flow and feeling that completely involves me. Thanks for pointing this out to me, Reverie... and I don't think mine will ever compare to this.
purple_shadows Posted January 24, 2005 Report Posted January 24, 2005 I simply love it. I don't think there is much more that I can really say about it. Except to thank you for posting it.
Ayshela Posted January 24, 2005 Report Posted January 24, 2005 beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.. Clearest in the numbing cold, and So let the cold rain of night, freeze my heart warm. are quite my favourite lines in this, though there are so many wonderful bits here that i could well quote the whole thing. beautiful!
reverie Posted January 25, 2005 Author Report Posted January 25, 2005 (edited) *blushes* well, dang, I never expected 'walking' to resurface get so much attention again... Tanuachan's poem 'Quiet' just seemed so familar(opposite, yet familar) that I had to show it to her... Thanks everyone... Ya know there are days, when i love this poem and there are days when I hate it. It's such a departure from all my other works that is seems an albatros... Like, I don't know if i'll ever be able to match it. The only one that even comes close is Alone, but only just so... ...but 'Walkings' structure is so crazy. I realize now that I was trying to write and structure the chaos of creation taking place in my mind at the time... 5 or so poem/songs foundations were tearing my mind apart trying break through; while I was walking in across camp carrol in korean rain storm...The whole thing is a reflection on the mental Chaos of that one night. Competing themes literally trying to override the other... I wrote the rough draft soaking wet shivering as soon as I made it to my room... I don't know if I'll ever 'mend the break' that Revision 6 was supposed to do... but I'm afraid to edit it anymore. Well, for better or worse there it is... If anyone is interested here's the breakdown of it, in it's various drafts... DRN breakdown Also you might wonder what ever happened to all the competing themes in my head? Well I wrote some of them down... but was only able to finish the majority of them years later with the help of the new muse... pretty much it took a new source of happy/sorrow to bring them out: Dark Rainy Night Poems and themes: fell oh tell me I do Fate a.k.a. Weary Eyes ...The REM Song Hope... didn't write, but wished I did... anyway, it was playing in my head too. and a love poem, that I'll never put on the web. Fun, fun... rev. Edited January 25, 2005 by reverie
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