Vincent Silver Posted September 1, 2003 Report Posted September 1, 2003 My eyes are watery for the sorrow I cannot see I cry beacuse the voices inside are telling me I cry to the invisable pain inside me The pain my mind spins to hurt me I feel so cold inside,I'm angry this lie I spin I'm crying cus' I spin my own pain like all men
reverie Posted September 1, 2003 Report Posted September 1, 2003 Don't know if you ment it, but I like the potential Double entendre, in the 2nd line...otherwise I'm left to think "telling what?" hmm, on second glance I can get get a third meaning from it too... oh well, good job for making me think... a few spelling errors too...but that's kinda the norm. 3rd stanza seems forced... Honestly, I think this poem has potential with some revision... revery the dreamlost "staying won't put these futures back together(aimee mann/humpty dumpty)" the dream continues...
Vincent Silver Posted September 1, 2003 Author Report Posted September 1, 2003 Started out good but it got to the point where it was forced. I was depressed today for no real apparent reason and thats whats this is about.
Recommended Posts