Loki Wyrd Posted August 30, 2003 Report Posted August 30, 2003 (edited) Time Time, you are my oldest friend I watch your passing all day long I miss the times that we've had When I thought of nothing But of the time I had As the future met the past I hoped the present would always last And it has in its queer way For here it is to this very day And though things have changed and I have grown I still hold within me the time of my own -------------------------------------- Looking Inward Ghastly writings in my head Wishing, hoping, I'll be dead Empty body, empty soul Looking for the pieces Should they make me whole Dreary nights of lonesome sleep Days so bright they make me weep Walking through my wakeful dream All the world I watch And strangers they all seem Sitting quietly I fade Immersed in this masquerade Dancing to the weary tune I stand in languor I survey the room Looking inward with my eyes A gaze to penetrate my guise I find myself walking around My eyes work fine But they're pointed down -------------------------------------- My Guiding Light Light, would you please guide my way And brighten up my darker days I know not which way to turn Should I work or should I learn They'd like to feed me trash, I know I'd rather not pay to go And they would have me deep in debt Before a professor I've even met Of work it is a thing I dread Idle nonsense to fill my head Earning very little pay Bringing an end to lazy days My options are great, though I may only see a few I must be sure to stop, and think things through Though I have better things to do then plan I know I must, and think I can So off I go into my own In this world I'm all alone Which is why I turn to you In hopes that you will help me through I would like to see my way ahead Here am I walking blind instead Reaching out with awkward touch I move about, but feel not much But with a little light to see I suppose you would be cheating me I would not wonder, I would not shout I would not take to stumbling about I would simply walk in cue Knowing what, but not why I do Edited August 30, 2003 by Loki Wyrd
Parmenion Posted August 31, 2003 Report Posted August 31, 2003 Time Excellent work! I really enjoyed the image of what people usually see to be the big bad wolf (Time) actually personified in a friendly manner. And then at the last swallowing part of that friend up just for yourself. I read this a few times because it was a nice easy read with a fun theme! Looking Inward I also enjoyed this poem but thought it could have flowed better in some places. I've made a few suggestions below. I ain't no guru on rhythym and flow so maybe someone else will post something more helpful. Its a sad poem but lines like "Days so bright they make me weep" and "Dancing to the weary tune" suggest that though sad the person whom the poem is about is still trying to see things or do things that may be uplifting but just keeps getting dragged down further by them. Ghastly writings in my head Wishing, hoping, I'll be dead Empty body, empty soul The search for pieces To make me whole Dreary nights of lonesome sleep Days so bright they make me weep Walking through my wakeful dream All the world I watch All the strangers they do seem Sitting quietly I do fade Immersed within this masquerade Dancing to the weary tune I stand in languor I survey the room Looking inward with my eyes A gaze to penetrate my guise I find myself walking around My eyes work fine But they're pointed down My Guiding Light Also a meandering poem I enjoyed. For me it made the saubject of the poem seem like he was walking down a dark alley drunk bouncing off the walls on either side as he thought about his life. Thats the image that sprung to mind for me anyway and it was fun to think of it like that. Again, some parts could flow better - like the two long lines in the centre could perhaps be broken down to four lines. But on the whole I liked it - Thanks for sharing all of these.
Loki Wyrd Posted September 13, 2003 Author Report Posted September 13, 2003 Thanks for the comments and suggestions Parmenion. As always, they are much appreciated.
Recommended Posts