Parmenion Posted August 26, 2003 Report Posted August 26, 2003 (edited) This may seem rambling but bear with it - you may find its worth it. Grammatical errors are deliberate in most places as it helps the flow and falls under poetic licence in my book Rhyming using seal and kneel are also fine if you have my accent heh. Enjoy... St. 1 Riddled within and rotting away, Society is my death and decay, Though I try to wade through the fray, Challenge is waning with each passing day. All I can see are cogs in a wheel, Sucked into its clutches so young and I feel, Slavery is not just a physical kneel, More mental and sinister, from youth us does seal. Religion or tradition traps most every young mind, Right and the Left are the same I do find, Always they're preaching "Equality to all of mankind", Still Worlds remain - we're stuck in this bind? The First World's enlightened aren't so on the ball, To say...a Thai trader's life be-hind the stall, We haggle cheap prices and yet have the gall, To ridicule their laws - you make the call. One overweight side sues coz of foods, The flipside would ravish the fat it exudes, Knowing this only darkens my moods, We're not selfish chickens in rival broods. St.2 Snapping back now to my own dismay, At the problems facing the world of today, They begin at the root, They begin in the core, We barely co-operate at all anymore. They found humanlike bones a million years old, Often bad breaks were healed we are told, Before we could speak, Before we could greed, We helped fallen burdens to mend and to feed. If this is true, then have we devolved? Become less inclined to see things resolved? What can I do? What can I say? Could my children avoid my dismay? St.3 I shudder to think that life is a gift, When all I see is rift after rift, People tell me of problems in debts and in love, Can they even compare with things up above? Yet when I do my part to help close to home, Does that mean I have become one more clone? I scribble my protests long into the night, Unmotivated myself to take up the fight, Capitalism got me from a real early age, I tighten my purse - don't spend on my page, Conscience remains at the back of my skull, Well its useful for keeping my writing less dull! Edited August 26, 2003 by Parmenion
Parmenion Posted August 26, 2003 Author Report Posted August 26, 2003 The First World's enlightened aren't so on the ball, To say...a Thai trader's life be-hind the stall, We haggle cheap prices and yet have the gall, To ridicule their laws - you make the call. The very last line was altered in case moderators deemed it unsuitable. It makes a reference to something that is widespread in Thailand and quite legal but the reference may not be suitable. Catch me on IRC and ask for the original and then you can make up your mind. Peace
Sorciere Posted August 26, 2003 Report Posted August 26, 2003 I found myself struggling through the first part, but that may be more because of my current predicament and mind not quite as sharp as it should be. I found the second part much easier to follow and this is my favourite bit, especially Before we could speak, Before we could greed, We helped fallen burdens to mend and to feed. Having heard your original line for the altered part, I believe it is the better version and I wouldn't find it offensive, but I understand your caution. All in all an accurate picture of all that is going wrong with us and the world these days, I liked it
WrenWind Posted August 26, 2003 Report Posted August 26, 2003 If this is true, then have we devolved? Become less inclined to see things resolved? What can I do? What can I say? Could my children avoid my dismay? My favorite bit. I always like it when questions are asked it involves the reader and makes you look again . good work
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