Loki Wyrd Posted August 24, 2003 Report Posted August 24, 2003 I've got nothing to live for Nothing to lose So what am I waiting for No time to choose Time shall continue On its slanted path The light shall renew If only I hold fast No reason to live No love for me to give Shall my memory live on Long after I am gone I have been lonely I have been sad But I am thankful For all that I've had I have no hate I have no fear Swallow my fate My end is near I'm going now As I stand before you Take my bow I shall forever miss you
Parmenion Posted August 24, 2003 Report Posted August 24, 2003 I'll leave the commenting on structure to those who know what it is, keke, but it seemed a tad off beat on reading it the first time but not the second (maybe I'm just tired). On a constructive note I loved the title - nice play on words mate! The poem itself portrayed an easy to follow self-analysing/chivalrous type side for the protagonist which I must admit to being very fond of this writing style and I feel you did it justice. If I seem not to make sense I'll try explain better when less sleepy
Vigil StarGazer Posted August 25, 2003 Report Posted August 25, 2003 wow it flows like a rap... wyvern would have loved this one. the harsh tone makes the poem sounds cool and stern and one could almost feel the roughness standing there in a heroic pose with wind blowing on its back. definately a poem worthwhile to read.
Alaeha Posted August 25, 2003 Report Posted August 25, 2003 I like this one a lot. I only have one real suggestion. I'd suggest changing the eighth line to read "If I only hold fast", purely for the sake of the flow. It means the same thing but seems to me to read a little more smoothly. Just a thought. I loved the mood and idea to this one.
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