Tattered Posted August 23, 2003 Report Posted August 23, 2003 I don't even want to think about the past Why I devote so much time to thinking on you I guess there's something still, I need to learn I would like to put it all to rest But I guess that's just not the way I could write a book on all the games we played I could stay forever remenising on the pain All I lost-the greatest thing-my sacrifice The thoughtless words you spoke to me The careless ways you misstreated me If this is what it takes maybe I don't want the prize Who am I kidding there's nothing at the end of this road The love we made was all a myth Nothing was real it was just a stupid slip I just spent your time and wasted mine We weren't headed anywhere we would want to be And this will be The last Melody About the way it used to be Between you and me All of my suffering All of my pointless wandering Time around you hoping you'd some day find a space for me Just trying to make sense of this worthless thing Trying to feel ok about the wasted gift You are still the pain in my side You are the darkness in my night You are not worth this selfworth fight I came in behind the rest I failed this test I should have left you where I found you I should have seen the red lights flash around you I should have protected what little I had left Now I am troubled, torn and tattered How could such a Mamas boy leave me like this? I must have ignored all the signs I must have been completely blind And this will be The last Melody About the way it used to be Between you and me All of my suffering All of my pointless wandering Some things just aren't worth the fight I wish I left you far behind, if I could erase that day You really don't deserve me You really hurt me You could have been my one and only But I would have seen the light eventually I only wish I was doing a well as you and her seem to be I just ask one thing, I want to feel it when I say "I'm doing ok" The only thing that fusterates me is all you took And the way you made me feel The way you lied and how hard I cried And no, it doesn't take long to fall in and out of love When the love was never real You are selfish and childish and afraid to feel. So this will be The last Melody About the way it used to be Between you and me Thats the way it should be I close the door and set you free This is the end, I cant allow more suffering. Good bye painful memory.
Sorciere Posted August 23, 2003 Report Posted August 23, 2003 I really like this, but I found myself reading it as a song, not a poem, was that the intention? I hope so, because I feel this would be very effective in that medium.
Tattered Posted August 23, 2003 Author Report Posted August 23, 2003 Most of what I write turns into a song of sorts. Actually as soon as I have a thought on what to write, it comes to me in the form of a song. Most of the songs in my life are sad broken love songs. Pathetic. I need a new song. I just need a muse in my life to help me sing...
Sorciere Posted August 23, 2003 Report Posted August 23, 2003 I'm sure you'll find one, they hide in the weirdest of places.
Peredhil Posted August 23, 2003 Report Posted August 23, 2003 as the Moody Blues said, Question: How could such a Mamas boy leave me like this? ... You are selfish and childish and afraid to feel. Answer. I was discussing this with my wife a while ago, how someone can be evil without seeming to be - and it keys on selfishness. Selfishness at the most basic level, that tells them "I am the center of the universe, I deserve to have everyone dance on my attendance." Like a baby starts in life. But that emotional certainty, if not disciplined and trained, lends itself to treating people as objects. To manipulating like breathing, because wants ARE needs - and this person deserves a little more than anyone else. And no one else is truly real in the cult of certainty - your suffering is deserved because you failed them. You didn't totally stop existing to meet their wants (Of course no one could, these people are a bottomless hole, but we're talking cortex thinking here, down below the logical level (but their certainty and sincerity gives them a frightening power over the uncertain with a shaky self-image, I've noticed, it leaves the victim questioning and wondering if just perhaps it WAS all the victim's fault - I could've done more but I was weak, I WAS selfish on occasion - and the certainty that it's all their fault can lead to another star consumed in the black hole of Self)). Really, no one sets out to be evil in the morning. Everyone always has a reason (whether a very good one or not, in their mind and emotions, it's there) why they do anything. So a plea for understanding is really meaningless in this context: I've done selfish wrong, and if you understand why, you'll know it wasn't wrong. In it's essence, I'm coming to think that evil is always selfish. Now, our discussion concluded in this manner - she nodded, understood my points, and replied, "But once I love someone, I love them whether I should or not." To which I could only reply, "Flee?"
Tattered Posted August 27, 2003 Author Report Posted August 27, 2003 Peredihil, enlighten me! You are truly amazing or maybe you're selfish and this is all you wife's knowledge and teaching,:)lol. But amazing none the less. Thank you. I guess we all have a certain amount of selfishness and it IS human nature. But some have an extra dose of "the world revolves around me" and I will have what I want. Peredihil I want to thank you for always reading my entries and commenting so helpfully. I can learn a lot from what you write. Your wife is a lucky woman, I can tell. You and her can tell me all about your deep conversations on life anytime. I KNOW and you should know that I will take your words above and refer back to them honestly. I have learned from them, selfishness is evil. Putting your own desires before you consider the effects on the lives of those around you is definatley a immature, selfish,and most times hurtful approach to life.
Peredhil Posted August 27, 2003 Report Posted August 27, 2003 hmmmm. I should quickly write (since I'm waiting for a server to reboot) on a distinction which bears on this. There are needs: water, food, clothing, shelter, emotional reassurance, etc. There are wants: Evian water, steak, Armani, mansion, drop all your pain to continually reassure mine, etc. Needs are needs. The selfishness occurs when one person's wants become, in their mind, more important than anyone else's needs. It's a glorious thing when we can all work together to get everyone's needs met, and then look to see how we can meet wants, but there must be proportion and balance. On a side note, when praying, get your wants and needs in parallel balance and pray to have your need met. That's why prayer requests for money are so rarely filled - the need isn't for the money, its for whatever the person was going to spend the money on. In my world-view/experience, I've seen God meet needs in some very odd ways that I couldn't have foreseen (and consequently, wouldn't have asked). That's enough sidenotes for now! Gotta run Hugs
Tattered Posted August 28, 2003 Author Report Posted August 28, 2003 *Laughs to herself* Well said, once again. Needs vs wants. Oh I have so many more wants than needs...*sigh*
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