Loki Wyrd Posted August 21, 2003 Report Posted August 21, 2003 I only started writing as a hobby a fairly short while ago, and I'm sure such will appear evident with the reading of my work. I wrote this about 2 or 3 weeks ago, and this time I was not under the influence of any substances. Nothing ventured, nothing gained Walking down this road of pain Living in bittersweet agony My life playing out in front of me Soothing is the Siren's song For I know now it shan't be long Crash against the rocks of yore Heavens crying out for more Winter's kiss leaving frost All is holy, all is lost Springtime brings about the rain Enveloping my soul in pain Summer sun glares down Nowhere am I to be found Fall, the beginning of the end Fences broken, no time to mend Disheveled is the soul of mine Look and listen, though you may never find Charging down the hills of alabaster Tumbling, stumbling, no closer to what I'm after Sands engulf the body whole Time corrodes the most brilliant of souls Children wander to and fro Knowing when, but not how to go Singing, dancing in the halls Walking through the leaves of fall Brilliant colors everywhere On the wind, in her stare Comforting, her gentle gaze All the nights, all the days
Rhapsody Posted August 23, 2003 Report Posted August 23, 2003 Hmmm, I wasn't quite sure what was the subject of this poem. Towards the end I thought you might be talking about a significant other. I liked the theme of Time throughout, the changing of the seasons. Children wander to and fro Knowing when, but not how to go I found this line particularly sad, the termination of youth and purity. You've got a gift for rhythm and rhyme. Some of the rhyming here was a bit awkward in the middle section, but that will improve with time. All in all, nice work.
Parmenion Posted August 24, 2003 Report Posted August 24, 2003 Thats pretty good for a not being under the influence of some substance I also enjoyed the theme of time as Rhapsody pointed out. However, more so I enjoyed the fact that it begins as it ends with a person walking down a metaphor of life ("road"). For me the poem itself was a rambling walk (read) in a steady captivating fashion. I enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing
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