Roles/ Play of the heart

[Boaz]

Kind of a freeform...but then...*shrug* I never have been good at poetry, I don't read it much, but I find that it is a good exercise to work through emotions. I want honest opinions about this poem, as I wish to maybe become better at poetry, or to at least understand where my screw-ups are. I really doubt this is too wonderful style wise, but it came to me. Is a first draft, and probably final, that is unless some good points are raised and I need to work through some similar emotions again. I would appreciate any comments at all..good, bad, I dont carewhat ever..

 

 

Just a jester,

To make you laugh,

To make you cry.

To dance across the sky.

To crawl across the floor.

Life of the party,

Death of my soul.

 

Prince charming,

Captured in Quasimodo.

One kiss to awaken you,

One kiss to steal my heart.

Awaiting acceptance,

Fearing rejection.

 

Friend, confidant,

Not, love or lover.

But, like a brother

Her eyes shining bright,

In a world gone cold.

 

The fertile garden,

Gone barren.

Dreams ended swiftly,

Hopes lingering on.

 

The Executioner,

a chance quickly ended

Emotions lingering on

 

The Lover,

The rejected.

 

The fool.

Edited September 20, 2014 by Boaz

[Vlad]

As Aardvark once said - never preface your work saying it's bad.

 

This is a great poem, I like how the end ties back to the beggining.

I also like how each stanza is one line shorter than the rest.

[Merelas]

Boaz!

 

I'm very impressed. It has a very jazzy, classy sound... one that would feel right at home in a dark coffee shop, with people all dressed in Black.

 

I love this poem, quite literally. It's long enough to fully explain what you're trying to, while still short enough to keep the reader's interest.

 

It flows VERY well, even with the partial rhyme scheme, which is something that I am far to adamant about with my works-- it suits this VERY well.

 

Once again, I'm impressed! Keep it coming!!