Rhapsody Posted August 1, 2003 Report Share Posted August 1, 2003 (edited) Inspired by an article on anti-americanism. Very rigidly structured rhyme-scheme. Has a symbolic numbers paradox (7 verses, 13 lines each). Notice 6 sins (instead of 7 deadly ones) and 1 redemptive quality. Took roughly 7 hours to write. The human capacity to forget is simply to let the mind jetset while placing a bet against perception To drink from the Lethe is to obliterate reality Falling forever, uncaught by the safety net of memory Or to close our eyes to what we despise what disturbs, perturbs To sever the golden link Doublethink The human capacity to procrastinate: Succulent bait bidding us to wait for fickle Fate to save us from certain disaster Tomorrow is a severed phase Time moves in a blue haze Serving to sate our need to laze Hands on the grandfather clock Counting down our lives tick-tock Another chime! Wasting time! Deadlines are points of no return A lesson yet unlearned The human capacity to complain is the ordain to screech our pain Our petulant refrain to a deaf world Daily we whine at each perceived crime trying to gain sympathy or time Malcontent is man's realm Ennui at its helm Whatever bores spawns war lust, sadism, shameless shams for our short attention spans The human capacity to consume: to chew out of the womb and into the tomb and self-exhume insectile hunger for future generations Rabid, we wolf down sanctity with our mutton Decimating whole species stops not this glutton Ravenous, we resume pressing the repeat button All the world has to give cannot slake a single id Stuff your maw! Fill your craw! Strip Earth of every plant and beast Come. Feast. The human capacity to conform sucks each purging storm into a putrid norm Every soul is forlorn in a feigning populace At designer stores we must shop From high school we must drop to model for porn Heroin needles we must swap In our cliques, sport the same threads heed the same songs, share the same beds Isn't my name and yours the same? Well, at least you're not alone You clone The human capacity to rationalize to justify our lies allows us to terrorize the truth Into confusion we sink We're not wise because we don't think or we don't think because we're not wise? Giddy, we totter on the brink between reason and madness Here, even gods must guess In this craze, there is always a catch. Catch-22. Got you But the human capacity to wonder urges me to ponder what exists under yonder skies that thunder with echoes of an unheard song To marvel is to win Tap into collective consciousness of human kin To sunder my soul into yang and yin The sun I see, vital warmth I feel Spring I scent, my heart begins to heal Raise my face, Life I taste My instincts--primal, pure, raw In awe Edited August 23, 2003 by Rhapsody Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoaringIcarus Posted August 1, 2003 Report Share Posted August 1, 2003 Rhapsody, First of all, this is very well worked. It takes time to digest, and that's good-- there's more for me each time I come back to it. Each stanza is like a vignette. This is very...all-encompasing. I hope you don't have any regrets about spending seven hours on this, because to me, every minute was worth it. Wouldn't it be grand if everyone dedicated so much time to their creations. The poem really comes together in the end, quite nicely. I'm not sure if this was intended or not, which it may very well have been, but the "consume" stanza, tended to be a mouth-full, if read aloud. [Forgive me, father, for I have punned]. But seriously, it seems to halt the flow a little, though I know certain words are absolutely necessary to get the specific meaning across. You might consider reworking that one stanza. As for the rest of it-- spectacular. I look forward to reading more of your work. Really, very nice. -Icarus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted August 5, 2003 Report Share Posted August 5, 2003 Wow! This is really good. I fully believe that the seven hours you spent were well worth it. The rhythym flows very smothly. At first I thought it would be choppy because the lines are so varied in lenght, but I'm glad to be wrong. The end ties it all together very well, and I'd love to read more of your work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted August 14, 2003 Report Share Posted August 14, 2003 This is the kind or piece that would be "The Masterpiece" of a poet's collection. Inspired! There are so many couplets I enjoyed... "Hands on the grandfather clock Counting down our lives tick-tock" "lust, sadism, shameless shams for our short attention spans" (loved the alliteration here - really draws attention to the point!) "Strip Earth of every plant and beast Come. Feast." (potrays humanity as a huge gobbling machine for me - nicey!) "Into confusion we sink I'm not wise because I don't think or I don't think because I'm not wise?" "Raise my face, Life I taste My instincts--primal, pure raw In awe" These in particular punched home the brutality of being human in a way that is balanced at the end but left me with a feeling that we are perhaps not responsible for our ill-points for we ourselves are just another force of nature but with purpose and dutytowards the planet. My mind did wander and I got a lot from this poem! I must read it again in a month or two to see what it says to me then. Bravo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merelas Posted August 14, 2003 Report Share Posted August 14, 2003 Wow... the time spent on this was definately, supremely worth it. At the end, it gives our free will credit... Gives me a feeling of relief, that even though we may do wrong, our conscious, and our ability to think is still something that we can do right. Extremely well written, a quality of work to aspire to. Well done! Encore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Silverblade Posted August 14, 2003 Report Share Posted August 14, 2003 I'd pour out words of praise, for this poem certainly deserves it, but I can think of none worthy. I loved this poem very much. And I'm glad I stopped by to take a read. I think you've got a real treasure here, Rhapsody. Certainly worth the time spent, and worth a great deal of appreciation, if you ask me. Very well done, thank you for sharing! Sorry I haven't written more about it, there is certainly a lot that one could talk about with this. Very thankful for having read it. - Justin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sorciere Posted August 23, 2003 Report Share Posted August 23, 2003 Such a flow, crafted beautifully and the words used just drag you further into it. Very well done, more than worth the time spent on it in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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