Mira Posted July 28, 2003 Report Posted July 28, 2003 (edited) Clouds of dust and smoke I choke As I wander thru this dismal scene A world filled with ash and soot Where use to be Forests - serene Acid rains melt the flesh Of every living thing Nowhere are the plants Or birds that use to sing And ask you, “What caused this hell to be?” We. Edited July 28, 2003 by Mira
Wyvern Posted August 12, 2003 Report Posted August 12, 2003 This is a good poem that drives across the theme of mankinds destruction of nature in a succinct and effective manner. The short lines and stanzas work well and seem to add to the sparsity of nature in the poem. The one part of the poem that I don't think is quite as effective as the rest is the first line of the second to last stanza, where the reader is spoken to directly by the narrator. I think it could be made more effective if the narrator was speaking to a wider audience in that line... Good stuff, Mira.
Tattered Posted August 12, 2003 Report Posted August 12, 2003 I like your style, short, sweet, and meaningful. Very Effective. Thanks for sharing.
Merelas Posted August 13, 2003 Report Posted August 13, 2003 Extremely well written. The variation (although they are all short) of length in stanzas was effective, as well as the partial rhyme scheme. A worthwhile message, well presented. Encore!
Recommended Posts