Nyyark Posted July 20, 2003 Report Posted July 20, 2003 Nothing to say Not a word passes my lips As empty breath whitens the air The hallow sound inside Refuses to name its cry From dull empty eyes A vantage much without A sheen that’s says nothing A look that means nothing A winter’s blanket of ice Hardens the summer mind To fall’s loneliness But pale and starved of light So I have nothing to say I am a shifting shell With lips seeking What cannot be found A sieve to large, My voice, And so my thoughts to silence.
Nyyark Posted July 20, 2003 Author Report Posted July 20, 2003 Katerpillar When I first saw you You were a caterpillar Snuggled up in Your sleeping bag Your request led to mine Though much later And we became a pair Together I extended my shell Past you And thus became Your catalyst So to me You did reciprocate And jointly A cocoon we made Now we open Both being free Who we were On the ground To soar the sky On powdered wings Linked by the dance Of our colors
T)emon13laT)e Posted July 20, 2003 Report Posted July 20, 2003 I like the first one. I dton see anything wrong with it. Rhythm is good and NO FORCED RHYMES! (Doesn't like rhymes much) The second poem needs a little work on the rhythm. Its still good though. I like the words you used like: catalyst, cocoon, etc.
Gwaihir Posted July 21, 2003 Report Posted July 21, 2003 I must agree thatthe first one is my favorite, because of the beautiful...well landscape I feel it portrays. I feel as if I were looking out on a stark snowy field. A metaphorical field Iguess . I'm not making much sense, but nice poems both.
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