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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

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Posted

Dévotion

 

Les mains douces

Ce guide moi

Je ne sais pas comment pour remercier te

Autre puis pour Vous offrir mon éloge

 

 

____________________________________

 

Devotion

 

The gentle hands

That guide me so

I know not how to thank Thee

Other then to offer You my praise

Posted

In English, its very good but her French version needs tweaking because some mistakes slipped. Allow me to correct them.

 

Dévotion

 

Les mains douces *1

Qui me guident *2

Je ne sais pas comment vous remercier *3

Autrement qu'en vous offrant mon éloge *4

 

*1 This part is correct. If you would have wanted a more poetic emphasis, you could have wrote "Les douces mains".

 

*2 This is where "word to word" translations hurt. In french "qui" and "que" have the same use than "that" in English. "me" in French replaces "moi" when its used with a verb. In fact, the word "moi" is only used to designated the writer/speaker.

 

*3 "te" and "me" are always used before a verb, otherwise it was nicely done. I've changed "te" for "vous" because, since you speak with God and used "vous" in the last verse, it was more appropriate. "Vous" is a formal way to talk to an individual and is also used when you talk to several people at once. "Tu" is used when you speak to someone who does not require such ethics (ie family, friends, etc.)

 

*4 That one was another hard one to translate with the "word to word" technic. And its way too hard to explain why I did all the changes. Although that I can say that we only used capital letters at the beginning of a sentance and for person's and countries' names.

 

 

Keep these coming thought as I always apreciate one's effort. ;)

  • 2 months later...
Posted

Dévotion

 

 

 

Simple and yet complex it is a beautiful poem in any language. I read it once and related to it on a mother child level, then read it again and saw another possible relationship. It sounds like a prayer.

  • 4 weeks later...

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