Falcon2001 Posted July 19, 2003 Report Share Posted July 19, 2003 Take the knife to the flesh Near the neck, the base of the skull Slide it in, Oh so thin, Underneath the rot. I slice away the horror And the anger And the past. Patches of hate Mingle with friends and family. All the memories of my life Flushed away down the drain I bleed softly in the night In front of the mirror of justice An even-handed god, that. Exacting Perfect Pure. I cut away the love, the hate, the greed The feelings that I had for you. All the life that is behind me. I emerge anew - revived, refreshed. I'll shed my skin To remedy my past Underneath that itchy layer Lies a pair of glossy wings Spread them wide and catch the wind Drying off the memories. I soar above, leaving myself behind The reset button has been pressed I am nothing but the new The past is left behind. Alone and unarmored, I fight my way Back to the top. Clawing with softened hands Breathing with weakened lungs Pumping with a broken heart To reach my goal. Everything for nothing, the blind woman says. The scales of justice must be sated As I fly away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted July 19, 2003 Report Share Posted July 19, 2003 Justice is, indeed, a fair god. i would hope for what i cannot ask for... mercy... but having not found it yet, i'm not sure i can hope any more. this probably didn't mean to me what it did to you when you wrote it, but the two lines which most struck me with a resonating "oh yes!" were Patches of hate Mingle with friends and family. everything for nothing... isn't that so often the way of it? Meh.. i haven't anything to say that probably makes a nickel's worth of sense, but... *nod* yeah. i hear you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted July 21, 2003 Report Share Posted July 21, 2003 (edited) Well, I'm not as sure about the first two stanzas. It's not that I don't like them, it just seems that all the stanzas below the first two are all about Metamorphosis and the top two aren't. Granted, I see that you're trying to explain in the top two stanzas why you want/need to make the change. However, it almost seems like you could take the top half and bottom half and turn them into two seperate yet awesome poems. :0) I can feel the pain of your words, and particularly liked this: Underneath that itchy layer Lies a pair of glossy wings Spread them wide and catch the wind Drying off the memories. I really liked the idea of comparing yourself to a creature that changes from one animal to a completely other. However, I suppose the only caution I would give would be to be careful about wanting to cut ties with all the past. Once you're healed, you'll often regret it if you shed EVERYTHING, even though once painful. Upward and onward with strength. :0) ~Salinye Edited July 21, 2003 by Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Passionsrejected05 Posted July 26, 2003 Report Share Posted July 26, 2003 as usual, i am in complete awe of your work. that's never going to change. sorry about the bad capitalizing job on this post but my shift key broke, funny huh? anyways, you never cease to amaze me will. as a poet, but also as one of my best friends. keep up the good work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted July 28, 2003 Report Share Posted July 28, 2003 It seems to me that the theme of rebrith overshadows the theme of justice here. The use of a blade to sever ties to the past was ingenious. Not only does imply pain, but from the way you write it seems you are immune to this pain. I'm enamored with the idea of hidden human wings. And the last two stanzs touched me in particular. My fave line: Drying off the memories Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoaringIcarus Posted August 1, 2003 Report Share Posted August 1, 2003 Falcon2001-- Nice images of rebirth. It reminds me of an orange that is rotten on the outside, yet still juicy inside, and of a phoenix, all at once. I can tell you're a video game fan, with the reset-button reference, and that's awesome. It's definitely something this audience in particular can appreciate. Nice theme. It's something I can relate to. -Icarus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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