Alaeha Posted July 18, 2003 Report Posted July 18, 2003 So... I have finally started writing poems again. My apologies for my absence. I was in the midst of a huge bout of depression spawned by having trusted the wrong person. Anyways... this poem took longer to write than most, as I started it some months ago, forgot about it, then finished it the other day. Lost Purity I know that you have seen the lands, from rolling sea to mountain height. I know you've seen the rainbow bands of prisms breaking up the light. But have you ever seen the mane of glist'ning, silk-soft pearls? The show'ring of the tear-drop rain from eyes with mystic whirls? Oh, have you seen the Unicorn, its beauty unsurpassed? That creature with a healing horn... I knew it could not last. The world has grown too harsh for such a pure and wondrous life as hers, and now it ne'er again shall touch the hooves on legs of snow white furs. A horrid storm, a flash of light... I lost her, though I tried to bring her back into this night 'mid day. Tears came, I cried. The world can not support itself. The Unicorn has died.
HopperWolf Posted July 19, 2003 Report Posted July 19, 2003 truely wonderful work, the best thing i have read in a time. well done. excellent use of imagery
Merelas Posted November 13, 2003 Report Posted November 13, 2003 This was really, really excellent. It has a literary feel, the rhyme and rhythm are so good. This stanza was the only one that didn't go along with the rest of the rhythm, and it's definately not bad (I like it so much!) but I could see revising it a little. The world has grown too harsh for such a pure and wondrous life as hers, and now it ne'er again shall touch the hooves on legs of snow white furs. The rest of the poem seems to have an 8/6/8/6 syllable count, while this one is 8/8/8/8. I would suggest changing it to: "The world has grown to harsh for such a wondrous life as hers, and now it ne'er again shall touch her hooves, or snow white furs." Once again, this was an awesome work, and I loved it!
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