Beautiful Nightmare Posted June 27, 2003 Report Posted June 27, 2003 (edited) Wouldn’t it be great If I could take back yesterday Then I’d still have you Then I’d still love you And not know The person you really are inside I used to think the world of you I always thought it would be us two But now I know it’s just a dream And nothings ever what it seems Why did it have to end this way? I wish I could scream at you to stay. I now know what your like inside Your black and your temper is on fire You hurt the ones you love the most Now your kindness is a ghost Disappeared for none to see You showed your true self to me. Im so confused inside And I feel so lonely I know your bad for me But I long for you to hold me Well you don’t want me anymore Go find yourself another whore I won’t be waiting for you Cause I will move on Now that you are gone Edited September 9, 2003 by Arwen
Vigil StarGazer Posted June 27, 2003 Report Posted June 27, 2003 hehe, falling for the Good girl bad boy symdrom huh? Oh well live and learn poem critique: "Now your niceness is a ghost" Niceness? kindness would be a better word "Go find yourself another hoar" should be spelt whore =) (tsk tsk tsk, you are so innocent you can't even spell whore) and symdrom is spelled syndrome... - Peredhil
Cerulean Posted June 27, 2003 Report Posted June 27, 2003 Welcome to The Pen. There are some errors of spelling and punctuation here, which you could correct as you revise and polish your work (nothing's, you're) - but it's good to see you posting. I look forward to seeing where you take this. Thanks, Cerulean.
WrenWind Posted June 27, 2003 Report Posted June 27, 2003 Good work Hon *hugs* I remember how hard it was for me to post my first poem here . But it was all for good after a few corections it was even better than before . I would love to see more from you.
Sorciere Posted June 27, 2003 Report Posted June 27, 2003 Well done, good poem, a great start from you, hope you post more
ImmortalGrace Posted June 27, 2003 Report Posted June 27, 2003 aah.. the best of us fall for the worst it seems.. i think we have all had an experience like that before. good poem hun.. i can't wait to read more hugs n sises, Tara
Blondemoon Posted June 28, 2003 Report Posted June 28, 2003 And yet another welcome from one of the lesser seen Pen members! Good poem, I really liked it. Sad to say I think everyone goes through that at least once. Must be a mandatory requirement for life experience or something. Anyway, welcome again, and I do look forward to reading more.
Parmenion Posted June 28, 2003 Report Posted June 28, 2003 I really enjoyed the realism of this poem. I felt the emotions that you must have felt were put across very well in that the reader would have felt them line by line. I enjoyed in the last stanza how you admit that though the longing still remains you've recognized the strength inside to do what must be done for your own well being, "I won’t be waiting for you". The symbolism of desire versus peace of mind (if thats right?) is gotten across nicely. Bravo!
Dragolin Posted August 9, 2003 Report Posted August 9, 2003 I think this is really your strongest poem, it spoke to me (even though I'm tired atm) yep, a cheers from me :wizzie:
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