Canid Posted June 14, 2003 Report Posted June 14, 2003 (edited) I wish I were a proper poet, writing proper rhymes. Holding all in rapt attention to unique poetic time. I'd watch the audience draw their breath, as a mangled beast drew near to my heroic creation in pursuit of his love dear. They'd yell as they did battle, and cry to see him fall. They would wonder why I wrote an end so tragic to it all. Thus I'd sit in secret knowledge of the reason for my deeds: that a proper poet's goal is to confuse the one that reads. Edited June 30, 2014 by Canid
Sorciere Posted June 14, 2003 Report Posted June 14, 2003 hehe I really like this, and so true also sometimes!
Ayshela Posted June 14, 2003 Report Posted June 14, 2003 LOL is THAT the proper goal?!?! so that's what i've been doing wrong!!! *hugs* Canid i've seen no indication of you being an *improper* poet. i like this. nicely done.
reverie Posted June 14, 2003 Report Posted June 14, 2003 silly... but in a good way... i like... hmm, but for some reason my ear's keep wanting to put a 'ly' or an 'er' on the end of 'love' in line 8... revery the dreamlost "love for sale"(cole porter) the dream continues...
Parmenion Posted June 14, 2003 Report Posted June 14, 2003 In yer face j00 poets you! Nicely written and kudos ;P
reverie Posted June 14, 2003 Report Posted June 14, 2003 ...hmm, on second thought... line 8 prolly gives a good dramatic pause the way it is... is that what you intended? just wondering... rev...
Canid Posted June 15, 2003 Author Report Posted June 15, 2003 Urm... nope. It's just there for the rhyming scheme and classic hero off to save his love story...
reverie Posted June 15, 2003 Report Posted June 15, 2003 (edited) now there's idea... a hero ala tommy lee jones meets al gore sets out on an adventure to save his "love story" from his nosey room mate and hollywood... no wait that's been done... well sort of... heh... rev... Edited June 15, 2003 by reverie
WrenWind Posted June 15, 2003 Report Posted June 15, 2003 in pursuit of his love, dear I tend to argree with reverie there is a beat missing here. Maybe " in pursuit of his love so dear" ? I relly liked this and have read it several time over it make me smile
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