Sadism...

[Damon Inferel]

For those of you who don't know, lyrical poetry is not necessarily music. It is poetry used to express feelings, and I was feeling particularly sadistic. Um... just to let you all know, I didn't kill anyone, even though I wished I could have, and in being a pacifist, I never will. forgive me for this... I certainly hope the person I wrote this about never sees this...

 

 

To murder my friend would be a horrible act

To quench their life under a mind that's cracked

An insult too many from someone so rude

And a personality no better than crude

 

An enjoyable feeling to watch blood splatter

The blade has no feeling, so what does it matter?

Lying dead he is with no problems like life

No longer in existence, no longer in strife

 

A cold dead body that lies on the ground

No more insults, no laughter, no heartbeat, no sound

I know no grief as I see who he was

I killed him for pleasure and not for a cause

 

I'll revel in it, the joy seems unending

No remorse for you comrade, my conscience unbending

I have done nothing wrong but find my own bliss

The insanity, the arguments, none of it missed

 

I could take it no more, his perverted drivel

My happiness continues, I make not a snivel

This is my secret, not one I shall share

Should anyone find out, they'd gasp and stare

 

Commit once a murder for nothing but pleasure

There's no turning your back to sadistic treasure

[Ayshela]

*nod* very well done!

i could actually write something like that about my siblings, for a couple different reasons, sometimes.

so could the people i made promise not to kill them, come to think of it.

hmm.

 

anyway.. this line

Should any find out, they'd gasp and stare

very true, but for form it seems to be missing half a foot, or a beat, however you wish to phrase it. They rhythm is just slightly off - easily compensated for, but noticeable where the rest of it flows so well.

[Damon Inferel]

Any suggestions to fix that little problem? Not being rude, merely inquisitive... Also, that's probably because I changed the poem before I posted it because... it sounded threatening, and I didn't want it to sound like that.

[Ayshela]

could be as simple a fix as "should anyone find out, they'd gasp and stare"

[autumn_sun]

=blinks= woah...you hit how i felt today in bio perfectly...a twinge unnerving...but mebbe it's cos I relate to this more than anything...ermmm...=attempts to think of something constructive= =silence= I like it...yeh...It's a lot different from the side of you that /I/ know, but it doesn't put me off in the least. [should I have said that? ]

 

You sound like someone writing poetry from Johnny the Homicidal Maniac [JtHM--comic by Jhonen Vasquez] VERY COOL!! We're all sadastic at times...

[Ayshela]

i think a touch of the sadistic goes with being human. :-\

to recognize it frightens many people

to control it is a lifelong challenge

but it is a part of who we are, because of what we are.

this is most clearly seen in mobs, when human behavior is stripped to its fundamental core

[Peredhil]

Hmmm,

Well done. Ayshela, as so often happens, already gave the substancial feedback I caught - and the cure. Rah!

 

I'm mindful that the layman's definitional difference between a psychopath and a sociopath is that a psychopath cannot perceive the difference between right and wrong, and a sociopath perceives that difference - but doesn't care.

 

Another difference is that once a sociopath develops an internal code of ethics which protects society (such as pacifism or in my case, Christianity), they often become funtionally "better" people and citizens than most of the "normal" ones.

 

But then, I've thought for a long time that, while harder, a life of choice was far better than a life of reaction. People who react to others (You made me feel ...) and make let their intellect become an excuse for emotionally directed actions tend to be controlled by others all their life.

Consider the person who allows someone to "make" them angry. When the trigger-person is long gone, they are still controlling the target's thoughts and emotions, staining everything with the anger.

 

Sorry to ramble on so long. If poetry weren't about honest exploration of humanity, I'd prolly delete all this to avoid spamming your thread.

 

Let me rather redirect, and say,

"I thought this was very well done."

 

-A rambling senile Ancient Peredhil

[Salinye]

I like this one, damon. All the critique I could have given has been given. However, I appreciated this one. I myself am not prone to violent thoughts, (However, I have issues with violence (We all have our issues lol))

 

Anyway, you are so right that if any random person could get a paragraph from our thoughts at random times they may think us quite the people we're actually not. Humanity is humanity. :0)

 

Thank you for sharing. :0)

 

~Salinye

[Parmenion]

Bravo! I do enjoy a good "Red Rum" poem

 

[Chanz]

I like the way this flows. It all seems to fit together nicely.

I think you are an amazing poet.

 

Nice Job