The Arch of Ezoob

[Katzaniel]

Normally, Katzaniel would not be frightened easily. Being a leopard at the moment, and having the ability to turn into any realistically plausible member of the cat family plus one version of tigertaur, she was capable of taking care of herself. She knew that, but looking face to face with someone who had the nerve to call her Kitty... she began to sweat.

 

Looking around nervously, she backed up. With everything that was going on at the moment, the demon seemed a little distracted. Perhaps she could get out of there without being noticed. Back up... slowly... that's the way...

 

BANG...CRASH!!!

 

Katzaniel didn't even look to see who or what she had backed into. Eyes widening in near-panic, she took off as quickly as she could in the forward direction.

[Wyvern]

Wyvern finally arrives at the corridor leading to the Pen's official Sheep Samurai Dojo, panting and gasping for breath as Racouol comes rolling to a gentle stop beside him. After yawning for a bit, the Bearer of Deep Pockets suddenly realizes that he's stopped moving, and takes the opportunity to whip out a frying pan with his free hand while glaring at Wyvern menacingly. Noticing Racouol's rage, Wyvern gulps and quickly tries to run away, only to be pulled back by Racouol who uses the handcuff chains to his advantage and reels the overgrown lizard towards him. Pointing the frying pan directly at the reptilian Elder's face, Racouol growls:

 

"Wyvern... I didn't sign the damn contract! Now get me out of these handcuffs before I have to turn your face into an Almost Dragonic omlette..."

 

"W-w-wait!" responds Wyvern quickly "They'll hear you! Sh-sh-shhhh..."

 

"Who...? The sheep? Oh, I'm certain they'd mean us no harm..."

 

Wyvern whistles innocently for a moment, then frowns and points to a sign directly above him that reads:

 

Absolutely No Wyverns Beyond This Point.

As punishment for the unhonorable act of illegaly selling previously owned samurai sheep products, Wyvern will be severely hooved should he be caught in the area.

 

Racouol sighs and shakes his head as he reads the sign, then suddenly brightens up and exclaims:

 

"So what! That doesn't apply to me... in fact, it should teach you never to handcuff me again!"

 

Wyvern continues frowning and points to another smaller sign hooked on the wall directly above Racouol's head, which reads:

 

Wyverns companions will also be properly punished... Should the ally be a Lord of Nightmares, he will be hooved. Should the ally be a Father of Darkness, he will be severely hooved. Should the ally be a Golden Lord, he will be put to the test by being asked to sing several sheep baaaaallads... Should he not sing well, he will be sentenced to 10 years of continual hooving and will have to give sheep baths for the rest of his life. Should the ally be Racouol... ... ... don't even go there...

 

"Crap..." growls Racouol before suddenly jumping along with Wyvern as the doors to the dojo slowly creak open. Wyvern frantically looks for a place to hide and rapidly decides to jump into Racouol's left pocket, causing the Lord of Nightmares' left hand to sink into the pocket along with him. Racouol stutters for a moment and forces a calm grin as two sheep stroll from out of the double doors, both of them dressed in their combat wool and weilding "Anti-Wyvern Kendo Training Swords." After baaaing to each other for a few minutes, the sheep begin wandering towards the jittery Lord of Nightmares, and come to a halt directly in front of him. They then simulteously baaa as one points a hoof towards Racouol's pants while the other holds up a search warrant...

[Racouol]

"Errr, Uhhh, Ummm......,Hi there oh great samurai sheep." Racouol said as calmly as he could while taking his y but now handcuff free left hand out of his pocket. "It is...uh....great to see such ......mighty warriors such as yourselves. I was just hoping that you could help me for I seemed to have lost my way. Perhaps you could help"

 

The Sheeps justed baaed while one continued to hold the search warrent and the other one was drawing its katana.

 

"Hold on just a sec...", Racouol then pulled out the sheepish to english dictionary. "Ok can you please just repeat what you just said.

 

"Baaaa"

 

"Hmmm...." Racouol flips several pages. "You want to search my pockets, I am sorry but it can not happen."

 

"BaaaaAaA.....Baaaaa"

 

Flips through several more pages, "Err, what do you mean I am hiding Wyvern?!?!?!" Racouol put on an looking smile as he started skating backwards. "I do not know what you are talking about."

 

"Baaa." The sheep started advancing keeping the same distance between them and Racouol.

 

"But I do not know what....." Racouol hit the corner behind him. After looking around and licking his lips nervously he finally got down onto his knees. "I give up. You may search my pockets."

 

The sheep holding the warrent rolled it up and went over to Racouol while the other one watched Racouol suspisiously. Just as the first sheep reached into his right pocket Racouol Stuffed it in and drew out a frying pan from his other pocket in time to block the katana.

 

Racouol tried jumping up yet the wheels on the rollerskates did not want to stay still when he landed causing him to fall onto his rear. He was however able to roll out of the way of the second swing.

 

The duel was on.

[Racouol]

Racouol rolled up onto his feet, or at least he tried to roll onto his feet. However he slipped once again, landing face first into the floor. Luckly for him the sheep's blade struck the floor a full 2 inched away from his shoulder. "Hey, watch were you are swinging that thing!! You almost got me there." Racouol yelped as he got onto his hands and knees and started crawling away.

 

After several quick pulls, the sheep managed to get its blade out of the floor. It then turned to Racouol and started doing flips and cartwheels towards him. It then did a triple flip over Racouol's head as it drove its katana through Racouol's arm.

 

Racouol immediatly swung when the blade struck and hit the sheep as it landed making it go flying into the wall. He then got up slowly and looked at the sheep laying on the floor thirty. "And here I thought this was going to be tough," Racouol muttered to himself as he reached for the blade. He then felt a sharp pain in his arm and watched the katana fly out of it. He then turned back to the sheep to see it stand up and catched the sword. "Damn, I spoke too soon."

 

The sheep then charged.....

[Canid]

...and happened, quite by accident of course, to step on a purple fuzzy thing that had heard word of free food from the "hoarder of geld", as they knew Wyvern.

Fuzzies don't like being stepped on; it is a well known fact.

Racouol was mystified at his opponent's abillities... the sheep seemed to be swinging in the air in the manner of a circular saw. He grinned when he spotted the bit of purple fuzz latched onto one of the sheep's feet. His task would be completed for him. He could even shear the animal when it had been dealt wi-

Racouol's thought was cut off by the impact of a sheep flying out of it's swing at something nearing 200mph...

[Wyvern]

Severely beaten and bruised due to Racouol rolling several times over his left pocket when attempting to evade the samurai sheep, Wyvern notices that the hectic movement inside of his hiding place has stopped, and decides to peek his head out of Racouol's left pocket to see what's up. No sooner has the lizard done so than he is hit right smack in the face by a samurai sheep with fuzzy attachments soaring at 200mph... Racouol snickers to himself silently and thanks Wyvern for taking the impact of the sheep blow as the overgrown lizard collapses back into the Lord of Nightmares' left pocket along with the samurai sheep and the fuzzy attached to one of it's hooves. Swiftly pulling out a sheet of the animals Wyvern wanted to gather, Racouol crosses off "sheep" and "fuzzy" with a spare quill before suddenly getting caught off guard by the second samurai sheep, who had now awakened from his unconsciousness and was charging at Racouol.

 

"Baaaaaaaayaaaaaa!!!" cries the sheep as it utilizes the deadly art of "Death Brandish Hoove Maneuver #79 - Fleece Snow White in the Sheepskin Blitz." Puffing up it's wool and doing numerous backflips and somersaults, Racouol can only watch in horrified awe as the sheep soars into the air and does an acrobatic triple twist backwards. Fortunatly, the samurai is still dizzy from the hit of the frying pan that sent him unconscious earlier, and miscalculates his maneuvers. As a result, he ends up embedding his head in the ceiling before he can manage to whip out his 12 hoove talons of death...

 

Deciding that he didn't want to risk sticking around for more sheep with better aim to arrive, Racouol quickly departs from the samurai sheep dojo area to a calmer part of the Pen. Hobbling into the Cabaret Room, the Bearer of Deep Pockets seats himself down on a rather crowded couch and searches through his lefthand pocket in the hopes of finding Wyvern somewhere in it's depths. His search is interrupted, however, as he comes to a slow realization of why the couch is so crowded...

 

Small purple fuzzies were everywhere...

[Racouol]

He quickly got up from the couch, once again forgetting that he was still wearing roller skates, and fell onto his face. Growling another curse he sat up, ocasionally brushing the purple fuzzies, and ripped the roller skates off his feet. He then got back up to his feet and pulled a frying pan out of his pocket. He then reached into his left pocket and pulled a rather battered Wyvern out of it.

 

"Now its payback time" Racouol growled. He then started to beat Wyvern with his frying pan. "Next time you leave me to take the heat like that I will turn you into a stew!!!"

 

After about several minutes of using Wyverns body as a puching bag. He threw wyvern onto a pile of the purple fuzzies. He then looked around and noticed that the purple fuzzies were everywhere. There were also blue, pink, and the rare neon green. "Ok Wyvern it is time to go." He grabbed the uncontious Wyverns head and shoved a tasting healing potion.

 

Wyvern immediatly regained conciousness and and started gaging.

[Wyvern]

*coughgag* "What is this stuff Racouol?! It tastes almost as bad as Melba's borsche!" *gag*

 

Racouol briefly glances to his rear to make sure he isn't being followed by any purple fuzzy gangs, then turns to Wyvern and shoves the healing potion bottle in his face. Snatching the bottle and reading over it's contents, the overgrown lizard notices that the two main ingredients of the formula are seasonal healing herbs and Melba's borsche, which explained the awful taste. Gagging to himself and briefly shaking a fist at Racouol for using a product associated to Melba, Wyvern proceeds to fully regain his composure and whips out a small map from the left pocket of his tunic.

 

"Hmmmm... which spot should we hit next? We could try hunting down Katzaniel and stuffing her into a pocket, or perhaps we could go for a few Guinea Pigs, or..."

 

Racouol loudly clears his throat and grumbles:

 

"I still don't see how I'm involved in-"

 

"I know... Let's go for one of those multi-colored wiggly cabbages that Gwaihir always seems to be tending to! It shouldn't be too difficult to capture one since they're peaceful beings..."

 

Racouol sighs and shakes his head, deciding that it would be impossible to convince Wyvern that he hadn't signed the contract at this point... Besides, the Lord of Nightmares already had a few animals stuffed in his pockets, and didn't know what to do with them should the mission be forfeited.

 

"Wiggly cabbages...?" mutters Racouol inquisitively. "Would those really be considered animals...?"

 

"Sure they would!" exclaims Wyvern. "And even if they weren't, we could probably pass one of'em off as a plump mouse with the appropriate paints and Disney ears..."

 

Racouol considers this for a moment, unable to envision even a cabbage with fur stuck onto it passing for a mouse...

 

"We'll need to get passed Gwaihir if we want to seperate one from it's pack, though..." hisses Wyvern in an annoyed manner. "Hmmmm... for that, we may need some disguises..."

 

Having said this, the overgrown lizard begins digging through Racouol's pockets in search of a few costumes...

 

---

 

Elsewhere, in the Pen's central Greenhouse...

 

Gwaihir happily wanders around a large patch of wiggly cabbages, exchanging jokes with them through telepathy and offering them cold drinks from a silver platter. Though the wiggly cabbages didn't normally visit the Pen's Greenhouse, they had come there for the day in the hopes of catching up on their tan... Gwaihir had decided to accompany them, as he always enjoyed communicating with growing things...

 

A joke being told by a bright pink cabbage is suddenly interrupted in mid-speech by the sound of the Greenhouse entrance door slamming open.... Gwaihir raises a brow and turns towards the source of sound, only to be met by two suspicious-looking individuals dressed in Greenpeace® uniforms. Though the Elder of Wiggly Cabbages admired their attempts at disguise, Wyvern and Racouol weren't fooling him for a minute... After all, Racouol's makeshift Greenpeace® badge was a frying pan, and Wyvern's tail and scales completely ruined his nurse disguise...

 

Stopping next to the wiggly cabbage patch and straightening up, Wyvern and Racouol both whip out scripts from the pockets of their outfits and begin reading carefully:

 

"Oh what will we do, Mr. Wannacabbage?!" reads the scaly nurse in a high pitched yet distinctly almost dragonic voice. "We need a plant to stand as a symbol of our organization, yet are sorely lacking one!"

 

"Fear not, Nurse Cabbagesnatcher." mutters Racouol as he grabs the nearest booze-colored cabbage and lifts it from the patch. "This cabbage will work just fine, as long as the others don't..."

 

Racouol and Wyvern suddenly freeze as all of the cabbages wiggle and turn towards them while Gwaihir grabs a garden rake and clenches it angrily.

 

"... mind." finishes Racouol nervously.

[Racouol]

Both Racouol and Wyvern smiled inocently as Racouol hid the Booze colored cabbage behind his back. Racouol leaned over to Wyvern and whispered "I told you these costumes would not work"

 

"Nonsense, these costumes are working perfectly, he probibly thinks that we are two people representing greenpeace and he probibly does not like them. Still this is alot better then covering ourselves in invisible paint."

 

"Drop the Cabbage Racouol, and both you and Wyvern can leave before I turn you into fertilizer." Gwaihir growled.

 

Racouol simply turned to Wyvern "I told you this would not work, next time we will go with my plan" He flatly stated. "Well," Racouol stepped behind Wyvern "seeing as you got us into this mess you can go talk your way out of this." Racouol then shoved Wyvern to the angry Gwaihir.

 

"wait..."Wyvern fell onto his face only inches away from Gwiahir. He quickly got back to his feet and rubbed his almost dragonic nose. "errr, hi Gwiahir. It is such a nice day to be gardening, dont you think so. Anyways those are nice err, cabbages you have. Do you mind if I have one?" Wyvern said as he smiled as inocently as possible.

 

"Seeing as it is probibly you who plotted this I will punish you first" Gwiahir snarled as he started swinging. Wyvern let out an almost dragonic shriek as he attempted to dodge the garden rake. Gwiaher was faster and hit Wyvern in the back of his head and sent him flying across the garden.

 

Wyvern put his hand on his head and let out a groan. He then slowly got back to his feet and braced himself for another swing. However Gweihir was now walking to Racouol.

 

Racouol smiled as he finished his ultimite summoning spell. He then noticed Gwiehir was taking a swing at him. Quickly Racouol pulled out a frying pan and blocked the garden rake before it hit him. However Racouol felt a bunch of somethings hit his back, forcing him to the ground. Before he knew what happened he was covered in wiggling cabbages.

 

"And you Racouol. I thought you knew better than to get involved in Wyverns scams. It looks like I have too...." Gweihir was interupted as the ground in the garden started shaking violently. The room suddenly grew very dark as the room continued to shake and knocked Gweihir to his feet.

 

Just as the room stopped shaking a giant Disco Ball appeared in the air. The door to the garden door flew open and in walked the village people singing Macho Man. "oops, wrong spell" Racouol muttered to himself meanwhile Wyvern and Gweihir could only stare as the village people started dancing and singing around the garden.

Edited July 18, 2003 by Racouol

[Wyvern]

"Macho Macho Maaan... (Macho Man!) I Gotta Be... a Macho Man!"

 

Gwaihir and Wyvern glance around the room in confusion as the famous words of the Village People echo throughout the greenhouse at an unbearable volume. The noise is quickly accompanied by glaring lights of various colors, which come from the disco ball and reflect off of the greenhouse's intricate glass walls and ceiling.

 

"Look out!!!" exclaims Racouol as he dashes and tackles both Wyvern and Gwaihir, saving them from a collision with a man in a cowboy outfit doing the funky chicken at a dangerous speed. Spinning around the room in confusion, the three Pen members grow dizzy as the disco ball begins to spin faster and faster. The only ones who enjoy the chaos are the wiggly cabbages, who begin wiggling rhythmically to the beat...

 

"Damn it Wyvern, thanks to you I'm probably going to be hallucinating in rainbow colors for the next two weeks!" exclaims Gwaihir, shaking a fist at the overgrown lizard. Noticing Gwaihir's rage, the reptilian Elder quickly decides to escape by doing the shimmy with the line of Village People... Alternating the dance routine at the greenhouse's exit, the lizard proceeds to moonwalk out of the dance area...

 

Observing that Wyvern has escaped, Racouol thinks fast and quickly grabs a long rope out of his pocket and ties it to one of his frying pans. Spinning the frying pan in the air by means of the rope, the Bearer of Deep Pockets then tosses it at the disco ball and jumps in the air in the hopes of swinging from the disco ball and escaping. Unfortunatly, the Lord of Nightmares doesn't take into account that the frying pan has no grappling hook on it, and his plan fails. Fortunatly, he still manages to escape by riding on top of a wave of moshing wiggly cabbages...

 

Dashing away from the greenroom as fast as their legs can carry them, both Wyvern and Racouol reach the Cabaret Room of the Pen before stopping for a moment of rest. Wiping some sweat from his scaly brow and panting, the overgrown lizard takes out his list of animals and crosses off "Wiggly Cabbage."

 

"Next up is a crow and a cat..." pants Wyvern while looking over his list. "Or perhaps a butterfly from Annael, or maybe one of those guinea pigs... waddaya think?"