Elwen Posted May 20, 2003 Report Posted May 20, 2003 Warning: there /is/ cussing in this. I know that some PG-13 movies have more cussing, but I might be pushing it in this story. Please, someone tell me if I am. Thanks. And the background is in the aftermath of a story I'm planning to write...anyway, Elwen is dead, having given her life to give some hope to the world (it's in the story as an explanation), and her brother Aural is venting. Enough background? Just One Question Do you know how much I hate you right now? Do you know how much I hate you for dying, sister? That’s right. I hate you for dying, and I hate myself for living. To be honest, Elwen, I never thought you were going to die. Elves are immortal, except for death in battle or by grief, and you’ve survived both when they should have killed you, and even if you had died as an Elf, you would have had your kitsune form to go back to. But you’re gone forever, both as Lirya and as Elwen. Damn you, sister! You should have known better. You should have known better, being as old as you were! How could someone as smart as you be so damn stupid?! Was it better for you this way, Elwen? Was it your intention to die all along? To “atone” for whatever sins you committed in your past by throwing both your lives away to turn the balance in favor of the Light? Dammit, were you so blind?! Whatever wrong you may have done was ten times atoned for long ago! You didn’t need to die in order to set your balance right! “We choose to die…because we have hope.” I can still hear your words, Elwen, burned into my mind. That is the most complete bullshit I have ever heard in all my life, and I have heard a lot! Not even I could come up with that, and I have come up with some total bullshit in my 120 years of life! Why would you die just because you have hope?! Shouldn’t you choose to live because you have hope, not choose to die?! “We choose to die …because we have hope.” I am a psychic, one of the most powerful this world has ever seen-shouldn’t I have been able to have saved my own sister? I dreamed your death, Elwen, and that hurts the most of all. I knew you were going to die, I knew you were going to die when the Fifth Circle closed, I knew you were going to throw your life away. I foresaw it. But I tried to avert it. I threw all my energy into trying to save your life, I gathered the guardians…but in the end, it all came to naught. Your destiny was preordained…and nothing could have saved you. I watched you face Damon, possessed by that spirit who wishes to destroy Divinity and bring the world spiraling downwards into eternal darkness, and I can still see you smile, still hear your voice, then that strange melody of soprano and alto, your twin souls joined. “Fate is an endless story that directs our lives. It cannot be changed no matter how much we strive. We will fulfill our destiny…and bring the Fifth Circle to the end that has been foreordained.” You smiled, and threw your arms out wide. “This is our story. It will go the way we want it to. Because…we choose to die. Because we have hope.” And that was the end. You threw your existences away, threw all your power into bringing about what you had always known what must be. You were Hope, the one who went alone where gods and angels feared to tread, the one who whispered defiance at the heart of the world. You gave the world something to believe in, with your death… But what about those who loved you? Damn you for leaving us, Elwen, we depended on you. Damn you! What the hell were you thinking? It’s alright to think of yourself once in a while. And even if you die with hope, death is still death. Death is still an end. You never learned it, in either of your lives! Death is still a damn end, Elwen! You had every right to live, as much as everyone else on this stupid planet! You had every right to live and be happy! But instead, you died. You died without a second thought and with no damn regrets! “I should be content…I have lived two lives. That should be enough for anyone.” But you still died young! A thousand, one hundred and twenty years, that is all you lived and all you will ever live. So young, for a kitsune, so young for an immortal Elf. You died in battle…I suppose that’s the way you would have wanted it. But it’s not right, dammit! Not right at all! You gave up your life for all of us, for every being on this godsforsaken planet, be it material plane, elemental plane, spirit world, whatever-that went above and beyond duty. You killed yourself for us. I should be thanking you. But I can’t thank you. I can’t stand to think about you, and you’re all I think about. You and how your eyes looked when the light faded from them, eyes without a vestige of life or starlight in them. You as your body slid somehow gracefully to the ground, your souls already gone. Your last bullshit words. I can’t stop thinking about you, sis. What the hell am I supposed to tell Mother? She still doesn’t know that you’re dead. You, her precious only daughter and oldest child. Heck, she didn’t even know that the soul of a kitsune lived within her Lirya. How am I going to explain this? I’m hurting; I was your twin after all. I always had you in my mind, as long as I could remember…and now there’s no one there. No one to tease, no one to laugh with…no one to cry with. It’s empty, you’re gone. And Damon…he’s without you now. Forever. You were bound in your love, in your lives, and now you’re gone. He loved you, dammit! I know you loved him enough to die for him…but did you love him enough to live for him? I have so many things I want to ask you, but will never have the chance to. What the hell was going through your mind, what the hell were you thinking when you knew you were going to die? What the hell were you thinking, period? I want to know, goddess dammit it all! And you went away without ever looking back. Shit, you’re gone now, forever. We may never have been equals, but we sure as hell were friends, siblings…and you died! Shit, you left us without a second thought. Screw you, sister. Screw you to the seven layers of the icy hells. You died on us, gone, and you won’t ever come back. And there’s just one question I have for you. Just one thing I want to know. I have to know, Elwen. Was it worth it?
Damon Inferel Posted May 21, 2003 Report Posted May 21, 2003 Hn... a thought. This is really good, especially when you read it aloud. I'm not very good at reviews, as I don't do them too often, especially considering I don't know what to say. But, giving an unbiased opinion, i really do like this, just as every other piece of writing you do. I enjoy the angst stuff the best... they're really emotional. I'd probably ask the same question that... Aural... I think his name is. Should you give yourself up for a cause, one important enough to die for... I'd ask you if it was worth it too. I just hope such a day never comes around to that...
Alaeha Posted May 22, 2003 Report Posted May 22, 2003 Well, it took me a while to get around to replying here... Sorry about that. I really liked this. It struck me as being more a monologue for a drama thing than a story, but that's probably because of the way it was told. The attitude, though, seems remarkably similar to what my own would be... Unfortunately, my time is brief, so my message is as well... My apologies for that. Just wanted to give my approval.
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