ImmortalGrace Posted May 20, 2003 Report Posted May 20, 2003 (edited) I wasn't quite sure where to put these, but if I didn't put them somewhere, Ken would have killed me, so I did Soo... here you go Ken. Hope I made you happy Fear Fear Tugging Churning Emotions run wild Not knowing where to turn No one understands Hope flees your thoughts Leaving you confused Utterly alone Harsh reality hits you Forcing you into the unknown Unaware of your feelings Not caring at all Dizzying energy plows into your mind Feeding on you Consuming your thoughts Leaving you to die ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' My Shadows Shadows of doubt Crawl only at night Seeking the day Praying to no one What is real only crumbles to sand Death is so near But not soon enough Darkness leaves But the shadows stay Behind every corner stands your soul Crying to return ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' Only Me Whisper into my ear Hoping my soul will hear Your soft voice your smooth letters Let the words hypnotize Slowly my daydream turns deadly I see you with me, no one else You promised to be with me and only me Forever Stay with me through the night I can not live without you Never leave me Edited May 20, 2003 by ImmortalGrace
Degenero Angelus Posted May 20, 2003 Report Posted May 20, 2003 Yay You put 'em in the wrong place but they got moved, so that's cool. Happy birthday, Tara
Blondemoon Posted May 20, 2003 Report Posted May 20, 2003 Ooh! I like these...especially Fear. It reminds me of things I've experienced before. And it reminds me of textbook definitions of bipolar disorder, in a way. Hope flees your thoughts Leaving you confused Utterly alone That part reminds me of the depressive aspect of it, and the dizzying energy of the manic aspect. I'll have to come back and read them again when I have more time to think about the other two poems (as well as the dizzying amount in the Banquet Hall itself!). (Good work Tara, and Happy Birthday! -- Heather)
DL_Snake Posted May 21, 2003 Report Posted May 21, 2003 Harsh reality hits you Forcing you into the unknown Unaware of your feelings Not caring at all Those lines from Fear touched me alot...very real
ImmortalGrace Posted May 21, 2003 Author Report Posted May 21, 2003 Umm.. its not my birthday for another.. 7 months. lol. where did happy birthday come in there? i wrote fear two years ago, but i wrote the other two a few nights ago. they arent my best, but i like them. i still dont think they deserve to be on here.
Nobody of Consequence Posted May 21, 2003 Report Posted May 21, 2003 "Only Me" got the biggest response from me, if such things help. And that might be ironic, too. Sigh. Anyway, I did find that the titles of "Fear" and "Shadows" actually diluted the impact of the first line in each poem, and I personally feel they might be better off with more esoteric titles. The language you use in each is quite evocative, yet the titles are very straight forward. Anyway, not intended as niggling, even though it may be. Eeep! Nice job(s), regardless.
ImmortalGrace Posted May 21, 2003 Author Report Posted May 21, 2003 both of the titles were thought of in about 2 seconds... so i very much agree that they need to be changed. just in the process of re-doing it. but thank you for reminding me that i needed to.
Peredhil Posted May 21, 2003 Report Posted May 21, 2003 Wow. Welcome. You definitely "deserve" to be here. reassuring hug I hope not only to see more of your works, but see a post in the recruitment hall... wink
ImmortalGrace Posted May 22, 2003 Author Report Posted May 22, 2003 *smiles* thank you Peredhil. i'll get some more on here as soon as i can. probably more tonight, when i get on my home computer. recruitment hall? what am i being recruited for?
Blondemoon Posted May 22, 2003 Report Posted May 22, 2003 Eep! Ok, I'll blame the birthday thing on Ken, cause he said it first. Made me think it was your birthday. *lightly nudges you in the direction of the recruitment hall with a giggle*
Vlad Posted May 23, 2003 Report Posted May 23, 2003 What is real only crumbles to sand Death is so near But not soon enough Darkness leaves But the shadows stay I liked these, my favorite was the Shadows one... the title escapes me at the moment. <_< "What is real only crumbles to sand" - this is something I've thought about a lot myself... I guess it's just the Matrix talking... I've seen that movie too goddammed many times... The rest is just really cool!
ImmortalGrace Posted May 23, 2003 Author Report Posted May 23, 2003 *chuckles quietly to herself* i myself have seen the matrix more times than i care to share with people it is my favorite movie. thank you, vlad.. im glad you liked them
Salinye Posted May 24, 2003 Report Posted May 24, 2003 Welcome to The Pen! I hope to see more of your work! Oh, and as Peredhil is now famous for saying, "WHAT? A writer here who thinks everyone else is better? You're in good company here!!" ~Salinye
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