DL_Snake Posted May 20, 2003 Report Posted May 20, 2003 (edited) Lively little Daniel was a wee bit squirrel, Who gives much trouble for sweet ol’ Momma Squirrel, Everyday he jumps, jump up, jump down; From bough to bough he jumps in their tree, Free of worries, of enemies, free as can be. “Now look out for wet spots, look out for danger”, Always Momma’s advice falls on the deaf ear, As lively Daniel jumps here, there, and everywhere. On this branch, yonder bush, never stopping for more than a spell, Where he will call, no one can ever really tell. Come November when the rain was near, From the mouth of Momma you will hear: “Indoors, indoors, my little children, come indoors, The rain has come…let us keep warm!” But lively Daniel still jumps as was his norm. On this branch, yonder bush, never stopping for more than a spell, Where he will call, no one can ever really tell. Even in rain, lively Daniel enjoys his fun. From bough to bough he jumps in their tree, Free of worries, of enemies, free as can be. Alas, alas, for the dear wee Daniel, The spot was wet where the rain did spill, And lively Daniel came tumbling down, From bough to bough towards the earth he fell, When stopped was he he had not one pal. But caring Momma leaped and bounced, Towards the earth where her son was trounced, Cajoling her darling to go back indoors, Where Momma nursed her darling Daniel, ‘Til all was well and lively again was Daniel. Admonished was he to learn careful ways, Promised he did to learn careful ways. Scarcely a moment he left his nest, From bough to bough he jumps in their tree, Free of worries, of enemies, free as can be. THis is one of my first poems...please comment on it...=) bring on the worst and the best Edited May 20, 2003 by DL_Snake
Vlad Posted May 21, 2003 Report Posted May 21, 2003 Well - you asked for the worst anfd the best, so here goes: It has no rythym, or meter, or structure that I noticed. I don't like that, but it can make for excellent poetry if done properly. This seemed a bit comedic to me, and it made me chuckle.
Vlad Posted May 21, 2003 Report Posted May 21, 2003 Well - you asked for the worst anfd the best, so here goes: It has no rythym, or meter, or structure that I noticed. I don't like that, but it can make for excellent poetry if done properly. This seemed a bit comedic to me, and it made me chuckle.
Vigil StarGazer Posted May 21, 2003 Report Posted May 21, 2003 Ooooo.... haven't seen a narriative poem in here for a long long time... it's very cute.... almost children poetry type... and with a moral too =)
DL_Snake Posted May 21, 2003 Author Report Posted May 21, 2003 thanks for your comments guy..this is one of the few poems that i wrote about with a story in it...my other works are mostly about life and nature
Recommended Posts