DoomGaze Posted May 19, 2003 Report Posted May 19, 2003 Immortal's Weakness ========================= Long ago I stood in these halls, Marbled slates ran beneath my feet. Now confronted with my echoing calls, The faint sound of uttered deceit. Veiled light concealed in the darkness, Covered by a thick blanket of sin. My guide, the blessed shield Aegis, Radiates for me, new hope to believe in. But still, Fate leads me in circles, Round and round I go, non-stop. Is this what happens in the world of Mortals? Do they break down and start to yawp? Even immortals can't escape being lonely, With angelic glory, honor and all. Stretch my wings, and help me see, A helping hand, to stop my fall.
Alaeha Posted May 19, 2003 Report Posted May 19, 2003 I hate to simply say "I like this..." So I'll start with that. I like this... especially the last stanza. Even immortals have feelings. The idea of living forever is amazingly unattractive to me. There are just too many people I would need to bring with me. To live forever in loneliness would be horrible... Glad to see you're writing again. You should write more. This one really got me thinking. Not sure whether that's a good thing or not, but either way... Wow... I shouldn't be posting at obscenely early hours. I get extremely redundant.
Parmenion Posted May 19, 2003 Report Posted May 19, 2003 (edited) Nice theme, good show To Alaeha: Immortality has so much more to offer. If you think about it from a scaled perspective. People mean much more because of our limited lifespan, take away the limitations and you open a whole new landscape up to explore. One would develop a very good relationship with oneself more so than even the go-it-aloners do today. Then again, this one got me thinking too, and reminded me of my god-complex Edited May 19, 2003 by Parmenion
Vlad Posted May 19, 2003 Report Posted May 19, 2003 I like this - it has a tight and clean feel. The imagery is amazing! Iv'e tried so hard to create something like this, but you've done it. And by golly, you've done it well!
Tasslehoff Posted May 20, 2003 Report Posted May 20, 2003 Another well written poem Jeff. Again a story that many people can relate too.. Its very good, I too like the last Stanza.. Bravo. *claps*
whitenoise Posted May 20, 2003 Report Posted May 20, 2003 *repetitive statement of how much this poem is liked* *apology for not having anything creative to say*
DL_Snake Posted May 20, 2003 Report Posted May 20, 2003 You really seem to be an immortal, you are emphatic with the thoughts of one, to be sure. One question for my poor vocab though, what is a yawp?
autumn_sun Posted May 20, 2003 Report Posted May 20, 2003 I like it! A lot...I see it as something written in an elf's perspective...one of the many in Tolkien's world...Tinuviel...mebbe...agh...my memory fails me. You know...how if they fall in love with a mortal, they have to choose between their immortality/people and the person they love? Yeah, ok...never let Pip comment on something when she's tired.
Cyril Darkcloud Posted May 22, 2003 Report Posted May 22, 2003 Even great Olympian Zeus, so the poets say, once having held out the scales and allowed the measured and balanced fall of Fate to mark the relative height of destiny-bearing plates, was free no longer to act according to his whim but found himself bound a slave much like ourselves to the stern laws and limits of that which comes into being despite our wishful striving ‘gainst. Small wonder then there have ever been those who see in the mighty face of Zeus, but a mask of that impulsive, determined and fatal invocation of Fate by which tomorrow’s hue and shape are surrendered with no small show of pride to the thunder and caprices of today. An evocative piece which is well worth spending a bit of time in sharpening. It's good to see you writing again, DoomGaze.
Ozymandias Posted May 23, 2003 Report Posted May 23, 2003 Smoothly put together, Doom. Almost majestic in its loneliness. And yes, hearty welcome back to the land of the writing.
Ayshela Posted May 23, 2003 Report Posted May 23, 2003 Quick note on the question of definition: RefDesk may be the quickest and easiest way to check definitions of words you're uncertain of. The left hand bar has quick search for both dictionary and thesaurus, among other search tools, and the rest of the site is simply phenomenal. It stays in my address bar history because i use it so often for those "oh heck, what WAS that word i wanted, it meant something like (whatever)" moments.
Salinye Posted May 24, 2003 Report Posted May 24, 2003 I have my own views on Immortality. *grins* However, I won't spam this thread. I really liked this poem, as well as Cyril's responding poem. I'm sorry, I don't have any critique!! Please continue sharing! ~Salinye
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