Parmenion Posted May 15, 2003 Report Posted May 15, 2003 Two sparrows swoop and land on the pavement, Merriment ensues as they nip each other’s tails, A ruffle of feathers, a quick note and they vanish. On the simplest form of happiness he ponders. Why does it escape him? A frost-laced spider’s web clings to the windowsill, Daunted by its mirroring image of life’s myriad choices, Reflect he does on what he’s done. A child, a bully, a jealous crowd, a never ending throng of whisperers, A youth, a girl, a shattered dream, an unhappy candle nearly snuffed out. To cry, to be all alone forever, He cries, Who cares? Nobody! Who knows? Nobody! He hopes they are all so uncaring when he is dead. Down, down he swirls engulfed by depression’s whirlpool, He wants to fade away, to slip away, “Come soon, come quick, I’m tired of waiting”, He wants to be alone; it’s all he has ever known. His mask laughs loudly but his face is fading. A pebble skitters playfully across the pavement, Into the tranquil scene crashes a quick paced lady, Pain stalks behind her, her sycophanatical worshipper. Her unwanted friend is always there but usually it calls for her, Childhood fairytales dissipate as reality sets in, What road did she choose to get here? She counts the droplets of rain she could have had and reflects. A child, a rascal, larger than life, not a care in the world, A youth, a rebel, a line of suitors, She plays the game of life with the dice provided. Forked agonies strike her, life no longer matters, The precipice's bridge is down and she has no will to build another, A churchbell peals its peaceful knoll, but quiet her heart it doesn’t. It makes her think of funeral pyres without a soul to hold her hand, An uneasy peace returns, More in touch, more remote, Monotony sets in, “What’s wrong with me?” Time moves on and so does life, She spins into a cold comforting darkness. A thousand faces but two stand different, They meet and dance as waves, Have they always danced together? A unity, a bond, a trust, A death of masks, a birth of love, One harmony, One existence, One! Two halves of one soul, The Weird Sisters have smiled, Time moves on but love stands still.
smallscale_mind_games Posted May 16, 2003 Report Posted May 16, 2003 Yay! A depressing poem with an uplifting ending! I really like your free-verse style. 'tis truly quite neat, in a messy sort of way.
Ayshela Posted May 16, 2003 Report Posted May 16, 2003 very interesting style. i'll have to read it over more closely when i'm a bit more awake, but i did want to point this out. i absolutely love this line: His mask laughs loudly but his face is fading.
Wyvern Posted June 27, 2003 Report Posted June 27, 2003 Very interesting poem... As smallscale_mind_games mentioned, the freeform style is very nicely incorporated, though it requires deeper reading at times to avoid confusion. I like the set up of the poem... Beginning with the image of the pigeons in love and leading from there into the thoughts of the male character of the poem was effective. I also like how the second and fifth stanza share a similar structure, and provide male and female perspectives individually before the two are united in the uplifting ending. My favorite line of the poem was in the third stanza, where it is stated that "She counts the droplets of rain she could have had and reflects." I thought that was an excellent image. Well done.
Sorciere Posted June 27, 2003 Report Posted June 27, 2003 Yay this one here too, wow I feel like it's christmas! You create such images for the canvas in my head http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif)
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