WrenWind Posted May 15, 2003 Report Posted May 15, 2003 I wrote this today for a friend He stands by the grave staring at the upturned earth. It is almost too much to bear. Only 19 and he has stood here too many times. There is no one left to share Balled fists shoved deep into his pockets. The casket is lowered with care. A cleric speaks words of honour and safe passage For the soul of a friend no longer there. The people he loves seem to slip away. No giving in to the despair. There isn't even time to ask why. His grief stuck in his throat It was now his turn to say goodbye
smallscale_mind_games Posted May 15, 2003 Report Posted May 15, 2003 Thank you, wrenwind, that was very depressing. Well written enough that I think I'll go mope now. Yay.
Tasslehoff Posted May 15, 2003 Report Posted May 15, 2003 WrenWind That is very sad indeed, I myself at 18 have seen many deaths too unfortunatly.. As my dad is a firefighter I hear all the time about it.. its quite humbling.but as I know you do not wish to hear my life story more on your poem.. Its very good. Short.. Sweet.. Gets to the point.. Well not sweet, but you know what I mean, right? One thing I might sugest is change 19 to the word nineteen.. Might just fit in better, in my mind it does.. But thats not saying much for I am partially backwards.. :S
Vlad Posted May 15, 2003 Report Posted May 15, 2003 This is sad- but I like it. Well written, I've only had one death in my life, and it is too much for me.
Cheyenne Posted May 15, 2003 Report Posted May 15, 2003 This is very well written I think and I enjoyed it immensley. It is true that we forget so easily as time goes by however I have noticed when someone I love has died, I will hear something or see something that I would want to share with that person and I will actually get up to go share the event with them just to realize they are no longer among the living. I think that is the hardest part about death. I do not fear death, I think it will be a helluva ride if nothing else. Great poem, keep it up!
Parmenion Posted May 15, 2003 Report Posted May 15, 2003 Balled fists shoved deep into his pockets. I love that line in particular, I think it really emphasises the despair, so human the young man in the poem feels throughout. nice work Wren. Parmenion
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