Salinye Posted May 5, 2003 Report Posted May 5, 2003 One delicate finger grasps the metal loop of the zipper giving it a gentle tug. Slowly descending the zipper parts the black leather oasis revealing a river of creamy white skin. Another hand flows down the river massaging the slender, well toned tired and achey form. As the zipper reaches its final destination, a narrow feminine contour. The woman sighs relieved gently twisting to free her leg from its leather-clad prison. *giggles* I've had this idea of an abstract imagery in my mind for a couple of weeks now. I only today finally sat down to transfer it from my mind to paper. It was originally titled "New Boots", but I didn't want to tell the title in advance. I wanted the imagery to speak for itself. :0) The idea first came to me a couple of weeks ago. I have a pair of black leather boots that stop just before my knee that I wear with dresses and skirts sometimes. One day at the end of a long day I was tired, my feet hurt and as I unzipped it the black leather oasis revealing a river of creamy white skin. jumped out at me and I knew it wouldn't go away until I wrote it. Just a fun one, I hope it made you smile or laugh!! ~Salinye
WrenWind Posted May 5, 2003 Report Posted May 5, 2003 (edited) Just love those legs great imagery . Edited May 5, 2003 by WrenWind
Ayshela Posted May 6, 2003 Report Posted May 6, 2003 oh, i love it!!! rather reminds me of the "what is it? a toothbrush" thing that made the rounds a while ago. very cleverly done!
Salinye Posted May 6, 2003 Author Report Posted May 6, 2003 Tricksy Wench? *smiles innocently* But....it was just a simple poem about a boot.... ~Salinye
Ayshela Posted May 6, 2003 Report Posted May 6, 2003 (psst - Salinye - isn't this where you say "i KNEW i perfected that innocent look for SOME reason!" ??? heeee)
Justin Silverblade Posted May 8, 2003 Report Posted May 8, 2003 (edited) Wonderful! I loved this poem, in all its "innocence". Thank you very much for sharing this one Salinye - it made me both smile and laugh. Absolutely wonderful. - Justin Edited May 8, 2003 by Justin Silverblade
Amos Greywind Posted May 9, 2003 Report Posted May 9, 2003 great poem, it really brings a smile to my face! Amos
Seii Posted May 12, 2003 Report Posted May 12, 2003 *voice from puddle of blood* "Just a little nosebleed, I'm ok!"
Finnius Posted May 12, 2003 Report Posted May 12, 2003 Sal, you naughty girl! I highly commend the twist. It almost made me cross myself, and I'm not even Catholic!
Salinye Posted May 12, 2003 Author Report Posted May 12, 2003 All you naughty minded people!! It was just a poem about a boot!! Oh, and Peredhil, I prefer Tricksy Vixen to tricksy Whench thx. *snickers and runs away* Thanks for all the nice comments!! ~Salinye
Chanz Posted May 12, 2003 Report Posted May 12, 2003 Go you!!!!!!!!! It brought a great big smile to smile to face(something that has been very rare of late) GOOD JOB!
Yui-chan Posted May 13, 2003 Report Posted May 13, 2003 Heh. Yes, I think 'tricksy vixen' works pretty well. This was cute and enjoyable, Salinye. Good job, and thanks for sharing it! I do have a question for you, though; not a critique, just a curiosity from someone who's really quite poetry-dislexic. What motivated the line breaks that you used in this piece? When I write poetry, it really tends to be in black and white. The rhyming scheme and rhythm determine where lines stop and start. I enjoy this kind of poem, in which it's less structured, but I just don't understand it. Maybe there's a rhythmic pattern that I am missing? Or did you just break it with thoughts? Or is it to lead the reader into pausing on certain words or phrases? Sorry for all the questions. I'm just curious. Yours, ~Yui
Shadow of the Butterfly Posted May 13, 2003 Report Posted May 13, 2003 *grins wickedly* I liiike, I liiike. Very very well done.
Salinye Posted May 13, 2003 Author Report Posted May 13, 2003 (edited) Well, Yui. Being a newbie to poetry Format I can only tell you my thoughts behind this particular poem. I wanted it to be abstract. Luring your mind into thinking one thing and then twisting the image at the very end. Therefor I wrote it in a way that I hoped would keep readers guessing. :0) The only line that I very specifically formed was As the zipper reaches its final destination, a narrow feminine contour. Right there I was trying to visually paint the ankle. That line is meant to mislead the most and yet it is a bit of a clue that perhaps the poem is indeed about new boots! lol I wrote this as a first attempt at abstract imagery and specifically broke the sentences up in unorthodox ways in hopes that the imagery would speak for itself without rhyme or specific rhythm. I find when I read it I have a very specific rhythm, but perhaps it's different for another reader? It's my hope that the words would flow down from your lips like the zipper flows down the boot! I suppose my main goal was to isolate the imagery as much as possible. The only thing I have thought I might like to change (I'll probably move it down to the workshop to do so) is that I thought of forming the poem so it actually is roughly the shape of a calf going down the the ankle then top of the foot. It's very close to that anyway, and I think it would be a creative and relatively easy change. :0) What do you think? Anyway, thank you for the comments and questions. I'm sorry I don't have a more educated and professional answer, Yui. I'm still writing from my heart and creative thoughts and still learning the fine art of form and technique. :0) ~Salinye Edited May 13, 2003 by Salinye
Yui-chan Posted May 14, 2003 Report Posted May 14, 2003 Salinye, a 'more educated and professional answer' would just have gone way over my head! Thank you, that is just what I was asking about. I don't know much about the technicalities of poetry either, and that's why I wanted to know your thought process. I appreciate your patience with my insatiable curiosity. ~Yui
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