WrenWind Posted May 4, 2003 Report Posted May 4, 2003 RED -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- They took her away again. I watched them struggle with her and finally jab a needle in her arm. She went limp and they bundled her up onto a stretcher and drove away. No good byes no chances for me to say, "I love you Mommy". A pretty police lady holds onto my hand and then leads me to another ambulance. She says the doctors need to make sure I am not hurt. . I tried to pull away but the policewoman doesn't let go. She lifts me up into the ambulance and once the attendant has a good grip on me the doors are closed and the ambulance pulls away taking off in the opposite direction of the one that took mommy. They ask lots of questions. ”Do you hurt anywhere?” “May I just look at your arm here?” “It won't hurt.” The attendant looks at my arm and clucks about the bruises there, old and new imprints of a large hand. I smile and say, " It's fine you can look, and no it doesn't hurt.” Please don't look so sad Sir honest, it doesn't hurt.” His face twitches a little but he doesn't say anything more. We have arrived at the hospital they let me ride on the stretcher into a room where another police lady is sitting and there is a nurse and a doctor in the room too they all look so serious. More questions about bruises and school. "Did your Mommy hurt you?" "No!" "Well these are some nasty bruises how did you get them?" "I was clumsy" "Sweet heart" the police lady says softly "You have to tell us the truth" My mind gets no further than “Sweetheart” and then the world explodes. Fear! Blind rage! hopelessness.... Run! Hide! Silent screams in the mind of a child. There is nowhere to go but inside. HE can't get me there. On a video tape that they doctors and police review several days later they see a small 6 year old girl a little grubby long brown hair in messy ringlets. She has an air of pride about her then suddenly she is curled up in a ball and catatonic. Like someone turned off the lights her bright eyes gone dim. They shake their heads and wonder what happened" Her mother has not been helpful when she is coherent all she worries about is the baby. X-rays are taken to reveal a history of abuse. The child has had many broken and fractured bones over her short life spiral fractures on both arms and not one rib that hasn't been broken at least once. There is evidence of dislocation of shoulders elbows and hips. Who ever did this to her was very insane sadistic. The mother too shows signs of long suffering abuse and a recent pregnancy but there are no records of a birth or of any prenatal care. A county away a jogger finds the mangled remains of something and calls the police. The police ask the woman a few questions and then let her go on her way. The forensics unit is called and they take over carefully measuring and collecting all of the remains and anything that could be used as clues. One strand of long hair is found hanging from a branch just above what they now know is the corpse of a man. The technician carefully lifts it off the branch with a pair of sterilized tweezers and places it in a baggy. She tags it. Then she looks for more. Her gaze is caught by something blowing in the wind about halfway up the trunk of the large elm tree. She steps closer to the tree making sure not to disturb anything around her. She looks up the trunk of the tree and for even a seasoned tech the sight makes her gag. There are shreds of muscle, strands of fibre caught in several cracks in the bark of the tree. They start about 25ft up and right down to the base were the body lay crumpled and now covered from curious park goers until it can be removed for further testing. When she had first arrived she wasn't even sure the mass of mangled skinless meat was human. She was an enigma to him from the day she was born. He had been in jail for most of his wife's pregnancy and was released the day before his child (he still wasn't certain about that one) was born. He attended the birth and even took great pleasure in cutting the cord. He took even more pleasure in seeing his wife in such exquisite pain and the blood that gushed from her just after the birth. He willed it to continue but it stopped on it's own. While he was glorying in the sight they plopped the child in his arms. He looked up at the nurse angrily "What? Giver to the Bitch so she can feed it. At the sound of his voice the baby opened her eyes.. Piercing violet they didn't look natural ...and he was enthralled for a moment... grinned and passed her back to the flustered nurse. Once the child was whelped he took her every day to the park always at the same time. . Very early in the morning when the college girls ran before classes. He was always dressed well and he delighted in getting frilly dresses; The better the girl looked the more she attracted attention. He smiled at them as they ran by and they would smile back. Once in a while one would stop to talk and ask him how he was and “Ooh isn't she adorable! Such a shame about her mother not able to help out.” For that was the story he told. He would smile and play the part of proud father. It wasn’t' hard, he couldn't believe how pretty the girl was. It scared him almost. He was hunting and the girl was his bait. His prey was the redhead. (It was always the true red-haired girls that he picked out.) Fresh faced and innocent first year college girls, he learned every thing he could about them and they gave up information about themselves gladly because they felt they knew him by now: the cute single man with the beautiful child that was always at the park playing with his daughter. They thought him sweet and a good dad. And they offered to help out eventually. "Do you need a sitter? I have free time on Thursdays in the afternoon. Maybe you could go catch a movie or something?" He always smiled and said maybe another time. He picked his timing carefully. The headlines read "The body of the missing college student found." Her remains were found in the forest about 100 miles from the campus. She had been tortured for days the coroner said. Fingers missing and broken bones. One detail not mentioned in the paper was that she had been skinned alive and left with only her now blood matted hair still clinging to her scalp. It was horrific and gruesome. They moved again for about the 5th time in a year. He worked jobs here and there. The beautiful baby grew from toddler to a hauntingly pretty child. With HIM working and not taking her out every day she finally got to be with her mother .A quiet woman who loved her as much as she could but she couldn't or didn't know how to protect her. Well she did, she would put herself in His face when he began to rage and send the girl to her room. Learning to speak was a dangerous thing. He realised that now she could talk she could potentially tell on him or warn the newest toy what he was up to. He was hunting again. A joyous smile creaked across his face when he thought of all the plans in place. Perfection every detail. The only thing that was not, was the bait, his angelic spawn. He trained her now and she learned quickly. Pain is a great teacher. She learned not to cry out when he twisted her harm so hard that she almost passed out. Not to let one tear trickle from her eyes when he smiled and wrenched her hip out of joint. His twisted training flipped a switch in her head that turned off the pain. A Survival mechanism Permanently in place. He revelled in her training ... Loved her for her strength but it also scared him and his fear made him more brutal. Still she never cried and she never spoke and that pleased him. The ritual of visiting the park began again. Every morning for months He took her and showed her off to the new crowd of college girls. He already had his target picked out and worked his charm .He told her lies and half truths and he smiled his handsome smile and she smiled back believing every word. When he asked if she would come and watch the girl for him some night while he when to a movie. "I really need to get out for an evening " She was delighted to be able to help. "Perfect!" He smiled and gave her an address. "See you tomorrow night then " The little girl never, said a word. She only smiled at the college student with the pretty red curls. The local tv station posted a nice picture of the red headed girl during the news "Student missing for 3 days now. Family and freinds distraught. If you have seen this girl please contact your local police station or call the number at the bottom of the screen" The little girl knew she was. He took her there every day to watch. To learn. He believed himself an artist, his muse the carefully selected red headed girls . He welcomed her into the house. A rented abode that his wife knew nothing about. Nicely decorated picture perfect home in the perfect nieghbourhood . She smiled and asked all the right questions. When do I put your little angel to bed and when do expect to be home? Oh do you have a number I can get you at?" He watched her smile and talk her every inflection and movement memorized to compare to later. After a tour around the house showing her where every thing is he leaves and hops in his car and drives away. He heads to town and does exactly as he said he would. Goes to a movie. On his way back he stops at the store and picks up some flowers as a "Thank you!” The details must be right. Tuck the child into the back and help the Red into the car and driver her back to her dorm. Then on cue the little girl gets out of the car and runs to the woman hugging her around the legs. He follows apologising profusely and then asks her to have dinner with them maybe. I have come to the point that I need a break from this story I'll work on it again when I can
autumn_sun Posted May 4, 2003 Report Posted May 4, 2003 wow....great start...very creepy and enthralling, the sort of thing you want to turn away from, but then turn back and read more. I wish I could write as captivating as this... ...the thing about scalping redheads made me remember a nightmare I had when I was little about this beast that lived in the drains of bathtubs that ate girls with long hair leaving only their scalps with their hair still attached....that scared the heck out of me when I was little...anyway...i want to see the rest!
Alaeha Posted May 4, 2003 Report Posted May 4, 2003 No... this is certainly not a "feel good" story. Oh well. I can't write happy stuff. It's a really good story... It could, perhaps, be made a little better by being told in the Aorist Tense (Simple past tense), Rather than the Pluperfect (Completed past tense). The difference is that in Aorist it's "He fell", rather than "He had fallen" It seems to jump back and forth a bit between the two... But otherwise I can't think of anything bad. I like the way you implied that the guy believes himself to be superhuman, above the people around him.
WrenWind Posted July 4, 2003 Author Report Posted July 4, 2003 ~He has made me sit in this chair for so long . I have to pee but I will wait. Talking now would make him mad.~ A scream sounds then is cut off in the middle. ~Silly lady she should know she can't make noise now. ~ The little girl goes back to watching the puddle of red pool begin it's journey to the drain in the middle of the all white floor. She never looks up to watch anymore. The look on His face is too scary. Soft and gentle even loving and that is terrifying. So instead she watches the floor sitting very still and quiet so He forgets she is there. Paper reads that morning "Tara MCKinnan missing from her dorm . Family and friends worried. They have made a public plea for her to come home " Home alone and very pregnant now the little girl's mother prepares her bag to take to the hospital. Hopefully He gets home in time and isn't in a bad mood. The idea of walking to the hospital exhausting. With infinite patience He is being followed and everything He does has been recorded in the mind of one just as twisted. Allen lives in the park and he saw the little girl . He followed them home on the day the The red headed college student disappeared. Carefully concealed ...he has done this before, he even manages to find a way to see into the basement room . a crack in the mortar that he was able to make big enough stick a plug in it and come back later. Every detail of what he sees is catalogued and filed . The caretaker's cabin in the park was small but that suited Allen to a 't', not very many people even knew of it's existence. Allen had lived there for most of the past 5 years keeping up the plants and paths. He knows every corner of the five acre park. He has even kept a watchful eye on it with surveillance cameras. He had seen the little girl and her father many time sitting on the bench; he always found it strange that the beautiful little girl never smiled. She fascinated him. So much so that he began to follow the pair around. It brought him to the rented house and when he looked into the crack in the wall he saw what was left of the red headed girl hanging from the ceiling on a meat hook, with the little girl sitting watching her father take minute strips of flesh and muscle away. That is when he realised the girl was still horrifically alive. He went back into the darkness and puked, then headed to the nearest phone booth to call the police. "No little girl should ever have to see that!!!" Not ever!" Allen walked away muttering to himself. Several times he checks in. Looking through the crack until he can take it no more then he makes a call to the police. While he is in the phone booth he sees the Father and the little girl leave the house. Allen almost leaves the phone hanging to follow them. He says to the woman on the other end "Send a car to 1216 West Raven.” Then hangs up. He takes a breath and calms himself then follows the pair discreetly. A shadow in the darkness. Pain is all encompassing. The little girl’s mother goes into labour alone and scared. He hasn't been to the apartment in over three days and now she is afraid he has taken their daughter and won't be coming back. She feels relief and terror in that thought. Curled up in the sofa she rides out another contraction then starts to pick up her things and finds the phone to call a taxi. Just as she begins to dial the phone HE walks in takes one look at her and with a smile that sends a chill down her spine places his hand on her abdomen. "So you are about to spawn again ..Pauses... I don't think so. The little girl tries to retreat back towards the wall but He is holding on to her hand so tightly that she hears a cracking sound then she finds herself crumpled in the corner looking up at her mother's frightened face. The child tries to get up but finds that her leg does not work properly. So she drags herself towards her mother slowly... Too late though, He has his wife by the throat and is yelling at her, screaming things that don't make any sense: "It can't be mine!! You are just a whoring bitch!! With each word he shakes the woman hard. She does not argue or fight back. Many years of unpredictable abuse have taught her to be quiet, ride it out, if she fights he gets even more vicious. The little girl finally makes it to her feet and steps closer to her parents, Hoping that she can some how turn her father's attention on her. It doesn't work he just shoves her back to the floor with out even focusing on her. This time as she falls her head hits the edge of the side table and she blacks out. Allen watches and begins to shake fists balled up and shoved into his pockets. "No no no no no," he keeps repeating softly, rocking back and forth. He pushes punches his wife and when she finally collapses he kicks her into unconsciousness. As suddenly as it started it stops and He walks out of the house and disappears around the corner. Allen slips out of the shadow by the window and lets him self into the apartment. On the floor he finds the little girl and carefully lifts her onto the couch. He cleans up her cuts and bruises. He hears a soft moan and feels a hands touch his ankle. He bends low to listen to words forced through battered lips. "The baby is coming. Help me please" Then she lapses back into unconsciousness. Allen delivers the little boy and wraps it carefully in a blanket. He cleans up the woman carefully and then he rifles through the suitcase she had prepared to take to the hospital. He tosses out all of the women's things. He picks up the phone and calls 911 and leaves the phone by the woman's head. Kisses the little girl on the forehead. "Everything will be ok now" He picks up the baby and the suitcase and slips back into the night.
WrenWind Posted September 19, 2003 Author Report Posted September 19, 2003 (edited) bump............. made some changes and added a bit Edited September 20, 2003 by WrenWind
Sorciere Posted September 20, 2003 Report Posted September 20, 2003 Ooooooooooooooooooh love it, more more more!
Parmenion Posted September 20, 2003 Report Posted September 20, 2003 You showed this to me before I ever joined thepen and I loved it then. I enjoy the way the story has a narrator that pans from the mind of the child to a general overviewing mind and back. Would you consider trying to pan into the other minds in the story? I know its sounds a bit gruesome, but it really is an excellent read and it would be fun to see a kind of window into the "why" if any behind what makes him like that - if indeed there are even any reasons. As I said - I really like this and I look forward to the next add on. However there is just one nagging little line that kinda stood out as being perhaps too dramatic (but maybe thats coz its 5.45am here and though I promised I'd wait to post till tomorrow, I simply couldn't ). "So you are about to spawn again ..Pauses... I don't think so. Maybe I feel it should be seperated from the main body of the text cause its speech (and I'm old school heh) or maybe its the word "spawn" that seems out of place, unless of course thats the beginning of a window into his psyche...which would be lots of fun. Very nice work - keep it comin'
Sorciere Posted September 25, 2003 Report Posted September 25, 2003 Ooooooh, you added more, love the way this is going, keep it up!
Peredhil Posted September 25, 2003 Report Posted September 25, 2003 As a request, could you make additions in new posts? When I'm in a hurry, it's much easier for me to blitz down to the bottom of the thread than jump through the post. I know it kinda breaks it up, and is a minor point, but if a person doesn't ask, the answer is always "no", isn't it? -P
WrenWind Posted October 2, 2003 Author Report Posted October 2, 2003 Allen followed HIM discretely, cradling the newborn close to his chest. The baby didn't cry or fuss, but it seemed to be breathing. He smiled down at it, he was so tiny and what a shock of red hair. When HE went into the liquor store on the corner of Main and Brunswick, Allen took the time to drop the baby off with a friend at a nearby shelter. The woman there smiled and took the baby without asking any questions. He told her he would be back soon. The woman nodded and Allen slipped back out into the night. He hadn't gotten far from the store and was headed directly to the park. Allen grinned to himself. Allen made not a sound moving through the trees and brush of the park; he knew every leaf, stick and bug. This was his place, his back yard. He sat down on the bench that he and the little girl always sat. Just beside the runners' trail but at this time of night there were no joggers. HE never knew what hit him. When he woke up he was hanging about 5 feet off the ground with his back against a tree. He was cold and felt wet but it wasn’t raining, his arms and legs felt strange. As his vision cleared he tried to look around. The first thing he could see were his feet. They were covered with something, it felt sticky when he touched it with the toes on his other foot. Still nothing was making much sense to him. A few more minutes and his thoughts clear a little more, for a second everything is painfully clear. With a jerk he feels himself being pulled higher up into the tree. A dark stain forms on the bark and he watches it get longer as he gets further from the ground. Fear finally makes it way into His brain. Then pain as he realises that he is bleeding every where, the cold wetness he feels is blood running over the few patches of skin left on his body. “Red beautiful red” are his last thoughts as the rope is released and he hits the ground and dies.
Ayshela Posted October 3, 2003 Report Posted October 3, 2003 mmmmmmm powerful story, dear. well done.
Peredhil Posted October 3, 2003 Report Posted October 3, 2003 The intensity and foreshadowing are truly gripping. Don't forget to breathe!
Ayshela Posted October 3, 2003 Report Posted October 3, 2003 more like "don't forget to stifle vengeful thoughts" but.. yeah, that works too.
Parmenion Posted October 6, 2003 Report Posted October 6, 2003 Be warned - this is a lesson to all those nosey neighbours out there!! http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif Well written Wren, I hope this isn't the end of it...
Lady Celes Crusader Posted October 6, 2003 Report Posted October 6, 2003 Well written Wren. You fell into one fo the genre I like most.
DarkPainInside Posted November 5, 2003 Report Posted November 5, 2003 OMG! wow .....thats incredible.... only 1 problem though... I CANT SLEEP NOW! ! ! lol just joking...that was food 4 thought Wren! very nicely written.
WrenWind Posted November 5, 2003 Author Report Posted November 5, 2003 *smiles* Thank you . I hope you don't have RED hair
dragonqueen Posted November 6, 2003 Report Posted November 6, 2003 very creepy...gave me shivers...you must have a strong stomach to be able to write something like that. well done.
Xaious, Master of Time Posted June 25, 2004 Report Posted June 25, 2004 Bravo, god story, absolutely loved it. There were just a few parts that confused me, your wordings. *Is glad he didn't read it when it was pointed out to him, at some 4 in the morning, or something.*
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