Celiwyn Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 Celiwyn walks up to the library shelf taking out a book written by some girl named "Karen." It was a simple journal that the girl had kept with assignments from her creative writing class. In this story Karen had been prompted by her teacher to write a page long story about what if she was invisible. This is what Celiwyn read... *** Ghost I opened the screen door slowly, making not a sound as I entered the house. I knew he couldn't see me, no one could, but I was lonely. He was sitting in the middle of his room, seemingly meditating, a single tear rolling down his cheek. You could see the dull glow of his computer, a picture of me on the screen. Today the police had found my body… two weeks after my death. Today he had learned that this beloved was never coming back… but I was back… I placed a hand on his cheek, even though I knew he couldn't feel me. My throat swelled up as I was speechless, grief stricken. I wanted to hold him and make it all go away. He stood up quickly and looked at his computer. "DAMN IT!" He screamed as he slammed his fist into the wall. The impact left a dent in the wall, his knuckle cracked and was bleeding… "I should have been there… why her?! Karen…" His voice lowered, choking up as he spoke, "I’m sorry… it's all my fault… I love you so much and your gone… it's all my fault.." "No… no… it's not your fault. " I said trying to comfort him, but he could not hear me. Invisible… I could walk through walls and do almost anything I wanted… but I could not help the ones I loved. *** It's kind of sad... the funny thing was I was actually having a good day today... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aardvark Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 Ummm.... you misspelled ghost, I think I dunno, I think I might've missed something Other than that, nice.... and ghosty Good point. excellent start. fixed spelling - Peredhil) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 the only thing i question is in the beginning, you opened the screen door and went through. As a ghost, how would you do that? Beyond that, very detailed, clearly seen. Nicely done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasmandre Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 Very nice. Sad and ghosty, too. (I have a new word! Now to go out and abuse it at all opportunities!! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted May 2, 2003 Report Share Posted May 2, 2003 (edited) say uh, what if the spelling error was intentional... Like when I saw "ghoast" i kinda expected the story to be about the ghost of a goat... or even something more symbolic... the dead girl, now thinks herself a goat? since her death goads the living... okay that's a bit of a stretch... but ya never know... revery the dreamlost "Buy the sky and sell the sky and bleed the sky and tell the sky: Don't fall on me" (REM/CRY,CRY,CRY) the dream continues... Edited May 2, 2003 by reverie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aardvark Posted May 3, 2003 Report Share Posted May 3, 2003 Damn you, linguistic bandit All ghosts can open screen doors. The ironic thing is they can't pass through them. They're like a ghost barrier that can be opened, thus making it pointless and a stupid ghost deterrent Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted May 3, 2003 Report Share Posted May 3, 2003 Good story... I'm a bit confused by the bit about Opening the Screendoor, since she couldn't touch the person and can walk through walls, but that's simple enough to edit out in revision... And I've done worse. Having my swords saying "CLANG!" as they strike eachother comes to mind. I wonder... Was this Karen girl the same one that wrote the book? Or did someone else function as a ghost writer for her? (Sorry, random little cutesy thought) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted May 3, 2003 Report Share Posted May 3, 2003 ....ghost writer.... GROOOOAAAANNNNNN... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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