kandara Posted April 27, 2003 Report Posted April 27, 2003 I wrote this a couple years ago, and it keeps showing up on my computer in odd files. Anger the anger i carrie around like a big ball and chain everywhere i go it still the same it likes to hide deep inside and i think that its gone and it pop up at that time it sits and festers until I can't take it no more and i turn it lose to cause trouble once more sometimes i think i must be insane to have this much anger and feel so much pain days like today i should just sleep away so no one can see the anger in me it so hard to control i just have to let go i pray each day that it will just stay away and give me a break from getting angry today to let me rest and give my mind a break
Ayshela Posted April 27, 2003 Report Posted April 27, 2003 wow. that's a *lot* of weight to carry around!
Chanz Posted April 27, 2003 Report Posted April 27, 2003 wow! thats powerful. i no wat u mean by it just keeps appearing. keep ur chin up and keep fighting!
Peredhil Posted April 27, 2003 Report Posted April 27, 2003 very powerful and to the point. Since we ARE a writing guild dedicated to growth... It could be slightly reworked to tighten the wording, for example in: it likes to hide deep inside and i think that its gone and it pop up at that time did you mean: It likes to hide deep inside and I think that it's gone but it pops up at that time the "it's" shows you meant "it is" while using "but" instead of "and" shows contrast to what you just said - thinking gone but still there. Little things like that will give the Gentle Reader the full impact of what you've felt. Good job! -Peredhil
kandara Posted April 28, 2003 Author Report Posted April 28, 2003 Thank you for your comments. Peredhil you are right it should have been it's and thank you.
Recommended Posts