reverie Posted April 26, 2003 Report Posted April 26, 2003 (edited) Well, hopefully this things finished... I've carried the tune of it in my head for a couple of years now... hopefully it's been but to rest this time... I-do (4th draft, 26 APR 2003) I can’t write for fear of fright I can’t fear if I let you near And I won’t win if I let you in So, I won’t even try… Call me a loser, call me a fool Call me anything, so I can be cool Grant me an audience, lend me an ear It’s not that your special, it’s just that your near… -But you know me, so well I can’t hide, my soft-thin shell… It’s true. When I think of you… ‘Cause I don’t love you anymore But I do …Not understand you Sometimes I feel, I should die… Sometimes I think, why even try ‘Cause I don’t love you anymore But I do …Not understand you Look back in the mirror, then turn away It’s only an image of you, anyway Why must it matter, what they hear you say… Today… ‘Cause I don’t love you anymore But I do …Not understand you revery the dreamlost "lo, lo, lo..." the dream continues... Edited April 27, 2003 by reverie
Alaeha Posted April 26, 2003 Report Posted April 26, 2003 Well, best to say this first... I think that you meant 'audience', not 'audious'. But apart from that, I can't see anything that needs fixing... If you've got notes for it, this would make an excellent song. Otherwise, it's a beautiful poem. Hrm... can't think of anything more to say, and my eloquence has fled, so I won't bother you any longer. *Hugs*
reverie Posted April 27, 2003 Author Report Posted April 27, 2003 (edited) oh thanx for the catch on "audience." I'm terrible with mistakes like that... as for notes? well, they only exist as in my head... thanx again... rev... Edited April 27, 2003 by reverie
Tasslehoff Posted April 27, 2003 Report Posted April 27, 2003 WoW Reverie. Such strong words. What an amazing poem you have written. I know what I want to say, but I cant get it out.. darn.. well keep writing!
Chanz Posted April 27, 2003 Report Posted April 27, 2003 Well done!! As Alaeha said: it would make a great song- i'd buy the CD!! It truely is an amazing poem very strong and.... moving. I take my hat off to you!
Archaneus Posted April 27, 2003 Report Posted April 27, 2003 I don't have anything new to say, just the same thing everyone else has. Great job.
Blondemoon Posted April 28, 2003 Report Posted April 28, 2003 awesome rev! now all it needs is to be put to music. :-) *couldn't think of anything else to add, so leaves it at that*
SoaringIcarus Posted April 28, 2003 Report Posted April 28, 2003 Very nice, rev. I'm going to have to agree with the song sentiment, because it truly reads like a song. It's got the rythm, the twists, and the meter for it. Ever listened to Darren Jessee's solo guitar stuff, or any Elliott Smith? Reminds me a lot of them; you might like their style. I can easily see/hear this as a song with acoustic guitar accompaniment. Song writing is not an easy thing to do, and, although it may not have been your aim, you've got a knack for it. -Icarus
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