T)emon13laT)e Posted April 24, 2003 Report Posted April 24, 2003 (edited) Archaneus showed me this site! Praise be to Archaneus! ahem... LOVE THE SMILIES! :woot: neways.... I've started a fan fic... but... I'm only on the 3rd chapter! Master As I delve into the answers I’ve sought long and hard More questions arise, causing me to stray from my path. What I now desire is unknown; I am my own master. So I shall choose what I see fit for me, although, It worries me for it may not be what I wish, But all I wish is for the best. I am my own master now; decide I must and soon the day shall come For me to choose my fate. A path of darkness, a path brimming with life. These are what I’ve to choose from. I know what I want but... Why do I hesitate for these restraints? Am I not ready to be the master? Metamorphosis I’ve stared into the mirror of my life long and hard, And finally realized what I have been looking at. I see myself; Happy, nothing wrong. The storm clouds have passed, And the sun shines through As I emerge from my cocoon. I've finally changed, And shall continue to change. It is the inevitable that time brings, But I hope my evolution will be for the better. Time is all I have and yet, It takes away from all I know. And soon all will wither away. For now, I will fight dearly So I can just be with those I hold close. I will try my hardest to enjoy what I have left; Time and more change to undergo, But there is still plenty left for me to take. All I hope is to not act with greed and take too much for then… All will be gone… and my metamorphosis the cause. Nightfall I reach forward and can not see my hand The darkness is all I see I’ll wait here though Till the sun rises and dawn brings new life But it is still night Where I shall ponder in the darkness. Ponder of when day will break Ponder of when the waves shall crash Wait, the day has ended… If the day is gone… Is nightfall all that is left now? Black and White The damned delve deeper into damnation. The sacred seek the damned. All that is holy is all but a vague image. They leave too soon, without a trace. The hopeless still seek hope, But no one is there. The sacred has vanished in search of the damned. It is all so black and white. And yet no one seems to understand. Past It seems this fate I’ve avoided for so long Has decided to be cruel and force me to act. I dare not leave what I love most, But I dare not toss away what I hold so precious. I spend hours upon days, And the days turn to weeks But I’ve not arrived at a conclusion. If I do not act soon, I shall have to let my fate carry me away. And put everything behind me in the past. Better What is this? A world to live in Or might it be hell. How can I know? In a world so corrupt. It surpasses my mind How people can so blindly Throw their lives into the wind. And not really know what they are doing. How can we stop it? We can not help it. For we is I. I stand alone in my endeavors. And I watch over this corrupt land. Waiting for something new. Something bright. Something that will show The peoples of this nation. How to live their lives. How to achieve what they have sought so long; The better man. Edited April 25, 2003 by T)emon13laT)e
Ayshela Posted April 25, 2003 Report Posted April 25, 2003 wow. umm.. i'm probably the *worst* person to comment on multi-piece posts, because they tend to bleed over into each other's space and i find myself staring at the screen overwhelmed. However, i don't want you thinking it isn't worth comment, either. so... let's see... As I delve into the answers I’ve sought long and hard More questions arise This is a very good point! A fitting beginning for what may be the ultimate in questioning, neatly bracketing this piece at the end. Nicely done. Metamorphosis - just a couple things here. This is a concept i personally like to work with, and you've done a nice job here. Changed I have, And change more I will. The grammar here is a little strange, and interrupts the flow. Was this done deliberately, for some purpose i'm not seeing? also, on the last line: All will be gone… and my metamorphism the cause. did you mean metamorphosis, here? Nightfall, i wonder only if the repetition of "ponder" was deliberate emphasis, or if some variation would suit your purpose better. Beyond that, it's a nice piece and i really have no other comment. Black and White - really no comment here. We could get into some interesting philosophical discussions on the concepts, but this is neither time nor place for that. Past - rather has a feel of the paralysis of being caught squarely between fight and flight. <_> Better - a couple things here. A world to liveperhaps, a world to live in? Or did you specifically mean a living world? Which you mean is a bit unclear. For we is I.i love this. You've got some really good stuff here. And if you haven't been welcomed in yet, WELCOME!
Ayshela Posted April 25, 2003 Report Posted April 25, 2003 oh yeah! and i remembered this when i woke up this morning: in Metamorphosis, All I hope is to not act with greed and take too much for than… than should be then, being time relative.
T)emon13laT)e Posted April 25, 2003 Author Report Posted April 25, 2003 thnx for your comments! You are so right!
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