Tattered Posted April 17, 2003 Report Posted April 17, 2003 Want so much to protect you from the negative So you will feel good about the life you live Keep you strong, safe and warm from the outside Show you how to stand and believe and strive Teach you how to walk upright Know when to let go and know when to fight The past I had haunts me by night and by day Afraid I've lost the connection to my heart with things I say How can you forgive me when I am just not ready to live Everyday is a battle and I just have nothing left to give "I'll never do THAT with my kids" they always said Then tapes just replay you can't escape your head Too bad I can't protect you from myself I just can't place my lurking anger on the shelf I only wish and pray to God for my anguish to heal The better side of me is dormant, waiting to reveal Can't be mommy, daddy, friend and teacher Can't be provider, domestic, mentor and confidant If I only had more time and money If I only had more patience and sense If I only had more energy and love If I only.... I would give it all for the love of you Please believe that I truly truly do Before you fell from heaven I never lived Before I held you in my arms I didn't care what I did Before you the sun didn't shine Now I remain forever inadequate in my mind
Ayshela Posted April 17, 2003 Report Posted April 17, 2003 (edited) amen! And how do you provide for your children the safety, security, stability, that you yourself aren't truly sure exist? Just a couple spelling things: third verse, second line, "learking anger" - do you mean lurking? And the very last line, you mean inadequate, right? edit - one more spelling error - end of the first line - negative. Spelling Politely fixed If you want to stick with the rhyming couplets through barring the "If Only"s, i would suggest switching "friend and teacher" (third verse, next to last line) to "teacher and friend" as friend is a closer vowel rhyme to confidant (eh being closer to ah than ee) and you would probably get a bit more meaning-resonance between friend and confidant as well. All of which are merely picky points for a generally excellent piece which, as a mother myself, leaves me saying "ouch, oh yes." Edited April 17, 2003 by Peredhil
Salinye Posted April 17, 2003 Report Posted April 17, 2003 That poem really strips us mothers down to our insecurity skivies, doesn't it? Well done, my friend. :0) ~Salinye
Ayshela Posted April 17, 2003 Report Posted April 17, 2003 ...insecurity skivies... (laughs hysterically) well put! i may never have another moment of parental insecurity without that flashing through my mind, which would not, altogether, be a bad thing!
Salinye Posted April 17, 2003 Report Posted April 17, 2003 I'm picturing the old fashioned white down just past the knees skivies, (like you see on little house and the prairie) with the buttun up back side missing one button and showing some cheek. That's the ONLY way to picture "insecurity skivies!" *laughs with you* ~Salinye
Peredhil Posted April 24, 2003 Report Posted April 24, 2003 I know many of these 'if only' comments... This captures Mother AND Father I think. Communicates on a several levels - well done.
WrenWind Posted April 24, 2003 Report Posted April 24, 2003 Just another Mom here and your poem certainly hits marks
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