Rune Posted March 28, 2003 Report Posted March 28, 2003 So a couple of people have posted things that are on their mind here over the last few weeks. I have something heavy on my mind..and since there is no one around at the moment to talk to regarding it I thought I would post it here to get it off my chest. There is not much that can be said in response to the following but it bothers me none the less. I know of people that have been in physical abusive relationships in the past but it seems that most of the time the person doing the beating does not really mean to harm the individual on the receiving end (either because of a substance abuse or mental problems). This is the first case I have ran across where a witness to the situation seems to promote the abuse as a means for "justice" and it really pains me to know that there is a child involved. Here are the quotes from another message board in relation to what I am talking about. Anyways about two days ago at 7 am I wake up to the sound of some very loud yelling. It's my mom yelling at my 12 year old sister and hitting her. I wake up say SHUT THE **** up I'm trying to sleep. She continues yelling and I go over there and I see my sister on the ground trying to block herself while my mom hits her. Anyways I'm about to restrain her and this strange flashback comes up to me for about 2-3 secs and I refrain from restraining and I grin then leave. I responded with "So you didnt stop her from hitting your sister?" Nope. I didn't.. My life is crazy. My parents are bad enough and crazy enough to be their own tv show family. But No I didn't restrain her. Plus I'm a believer of what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I see fists as a form of self imposed Justice. Shame and Blame go hand and hand and that's what I prefer to fight with. I see violence "physical" As the last resort or the ultimate when talking things out don't work. Rarely do I use actual violence with the family but if they don't listen sometimes a good restraining or a physical blow from their blood usually means more then words. Ever hear that anyone can stab someone or beat someone with a weapon but feeling the sting from a persons fists does far more? I can understand someone feeling that only the strong will survive but this just seems so warped and disgusting.
Blondemoon Posted March 28, 2003 Report Posted March 28, 2003 Words fail to convey my disgust at people who are so warped that they can just walk away and use that as an excuse for physical abuse. That's just sick, and it saddens me to think that they can just shrug it off like it's nothing. Sure, I may be oversensitizing here, but god...abuse is abuse, no matter what kind, and no matter what way you slice it. Sure, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger....but that's taking it a bit far... Ugh...that's just so disturbing!
Justin Silverblade Posted March 29, 2003 Report Posted March 29, 2003 (edited) You're not oversensitizing, Blondemoon. I too think this really is disgusting. I've been lucky enough to never have to worry about anything of that sort - though like you Rune, I've known people, unfortunately This person is warped. It's a sad world that could let him come to that conclusion. I'm glad I don't frequent those boards Rune... I'd have freaked out and given him a piece of my mind. Don't think it would do any good, but thinking about it still anyways. *sigh* "Abuse as Justice"... it fouls the ideal really. The words of a coward unwilling to stand up for what's really right. - Justin Edited March 29, 2003 by Justin Silverblade
lumpenproletariat Posted March 29, 2003 Report Posted March 29, 2003 I'd agree with Justins description of "coward." I had physical punishment as a younger child, but I wouldn't go to the extent of "abuse" to describe it. However now unless its me in a rage or something, I usually do all within my power to stop violence, and witnessing family members attacking each other is the WORST. I think Rune, that this person may not be worth your time. We need you so much more
Griever Posted March 29, 2003 Report Posted March 29, 2003 Shouldn't some alarm bells be going off when you start to belive hitting people is ok? Just my thought in this issue
Gyrfalcon Posted March 29, 2003 Report Posted March 29, 2003 That's both sad and disturbing... in more ways then one. The first disturbing thing is that the violence is common enough that the person's reaction was to tell them to shut up. The second disturbing fact was that the person didn't immediently try to restrain his/her mother. The third is that the person walked away. The fourth? He/She grinned. ----- "I'm a believer of what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" A coward's response. Would she say the same if her parents were hitting her? Somehow I doubt it. She'd seeth at the injustice and being hit for something she didn't do. I agree this person has become warped. I'm not sure anything could be done to reverse the damage, though. As for abuse as a form of justice... no. There is no justice in that, just the tyranny of someone larger and stronger hurting someone smaller and weaker. That the mother could hit her own daughter only makes it worse. A sad tale, Rune.
Quincunx Posted March 29, 2003 Report Posted March 29, 2003 I am abusive and something about that statement just doesn't wash. If (in the poster's view) someone needed knocking about that badly he'd have done it himself--else intervened, for a show of superiority. And then to slink around on a bulletin board and post about being too weak to act, and have to defend yourself against Rune, one of the most accommodating personalities I know*-- this person isn't worth anyone's time. Well, one person's perhaps but I promised myself not to go down that path. [*Edit: I know that you would NOT be accommodating on this issue, but as I see it you generally are.]
Tasslehoff Posted March 29, 2003 Report Posted March 29, 2003 Rune. I dont know what to say exactly, except we at the pen love you, and I myself am grateful that you have graced my life.
Rune Posted March 29, 2003 Author Report Posted March 29, 2003 The worst part is that he is a kid, well a young adult anyways..around 17 or 18. (Granted it is possible that all of this is a lie as the internet so commonly gives birth to, but for now I will believe that it is truth since I have been given no reason for a lie) Soon he will be out in the real world with real people and I do not see his behavior suddenly changing. I wonder how many families this behavior will cascade down to. I wonder how many more Children will be hurt because one person decided that physcial punishment to the extreme is the best response. Sorry if this post has offended anyone. It was not my intention. I am a moderator on that board and as a result I have to find a creative way to deal with the situation without scaring the kid off. Hopefully I can come up with something that will maybe make him stop and think about what is best and not what is habit.
Aardvark Posted March 29, 2003 Report Posted March 29, 2003 The human mind is a wonderful thing. We're capable of ultimate good and pure evil. Hell, we invented good and evil, calibrating the scale to ourselves, the finest and most despicable humans being the extremes, then going from there But we also adapt to any situation so easily. If anything happens regularly for long enough, it becomes the norm for that particular person. Their whole perspective on life, the universe and everything has just been warped a little more. In this case, a guy who was abused by his parents has accepted abuse as part of human interaction. His sister being beaten was no different from him. His mind was telling him she must've deserved it, else why would his mother be beating her. He's about to go out into the world? Well, on the grand scale of humanity, he'll be a relatively well adjusted individual, just prone to fits of rage if a critical arguement reaches an impass I'm forced to deal with worse on a daily basis. People like this are everywhere. Hell, I'm willing to bet they make up a sizeable chunk of the population. They are and always will be. There's no helping them. They're only human
WrenWind Posted March 29, 2003 Report Posted March 29, 2003 Violence of this kind is something I unfortunately understand . That he didn't intervene doesn't surprise me at all . The concequences of it might have ended up with both children recieving even more abuse . that he grinned, well this kind of twisted values are what he has been taught . that he knows this isn't right is perhaps a saving grace and might make it so he is one of the links in the chain that will not continue this kind of life with his own children one say . It is very hard not to react with violence when it is what you have been taught . It is possible to rise above it
Lady Celes Crusader Posted March 30, 2003 Report Posted March 30, 2003 I understand you Rune when you want to vent this out, what he said was indeed disturbing.
Starlight Posted April 13, 2003 Report Posted April 13, 2003 *disgusted* Just say NO to domestic violence! (well, and just about any other violence I guess...) Being "used" to something doesn't make it any more right...
Gwaihir Posted April 13, 2003 Report Posted April 13, 2003 "They're only human" It really struck me when you said that. Because on one level it is so true. There will always be such horrible situations I think, but on another level the statment fails to satisfy me. This is the internet, so I don't think there's much we can do here. We don't know where they live or what goes on there. Usually though, I think we shoudl do more than act if a situation greatly disturbs us. I don't feel able to accept problems as necessary....even when they are dunno, I don't want this to read as a criticism of anyone, and scarcely a disagreement. more a musing. who knows. I don't.
Brute Posted April 14, 2003 Report Posted April 14, 2003 Quite a topic here. Personally, Physical abuse to anyone, esapecially children, makes me want to lay my big mitts on the abuser and give them a taste of what it's like to use fear and pain on someone else. Trust me, I'm a big guy and It wouldn't be pleasant for anyone to be at the recieving end of my wrath. I say these things because it makes me both furious and disgusted to think of anyone beating on a wife or a child. Several points were made, and yes, people can grow up in terrible environments and it typically twists their perspectives. However...With a tiny bit of love, determination, and a need to end the pain inflicted and recieved, anyone can end the cycle. For that's almost always what these situations turn into, an endless cycle of fear and pain, waiting for one brave person to make up their minds that they love their child or spouse enough to not abuse them. There are shelters, councilors, and hotlines galore for anyone in need of help. Perhaps Rune, should you talk to this person again, you might mention that there is help available, and the attitude that person has is definately not a healthy one .
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