Solivagus Posted March 26, 2003 Report Posted March 26, 2003 He wants to know, why they laugh He wants to pave, her own path He knows he hurts, but that's okay He can make, it go away He has a plan, and heads to class And looks away, from all that pass Demanding attention, he slits his wrists No one cared, he won't be missed He doesn't understand, why it's this way But now it's time, for them to pay So he turns to a boy, and points his gun Now he's killed, a mother's son Everyone screams, then tries to leave They lack the time, to even grieve He doesn't know, just what he's done When everyone turned, and tried to run He looks around, then at his hand It's time to make, his final stand He shot again, another kid fell He shed a tear, but continued to kill He doesn't care, all of it's real Now he's just, too hurt to feel The news showed up, and took aim They caught the school, and all it's pain The cops came too, they took a shot It was his throat, that it caught He grabbed his neck, then hit the floor The boy that was, is now no more Nobody knew, that boy that died They threw him out, from too much pride
Peredhil Posted April 7, 2003 Report Posted April 7, 2003 Interesting insight into motivations... But my sympathy is still for the victims I guess. Having a hard life in some way is a given, even the most "blessed" manage to find their own internal hells if the external lacks. It's how one endures and overcomes that matters.
Annael Posted April 15, 2003 Report Posted April 15, 2003 I agree that sympathy must be given to the victims. But so must it be given to the perps too. More often then not it is the cruelty of others that drives the kids to do these things. Unfortunately I know first hand what happens when you ignore, redicule and basically make people feel like there is no reason to live. I've had to deal with a death due to these things. It's not pretty. From either end. An interesting read. Not one that is often written about. Bravo
Salinye Posted April 15, 2003 Report Posted April 15, 2003 I thought this was very well written. I like that you chose a topic that is not commonly written about. I also like that you were able to evoke sympathy for a person that generally gets none. My heart is always with victims, and often times the perps are victims themselves. There is never excuse to take anyone else's life. As Peredihl said, everyone has their hardships, however, you captured the boy well. I really envisioned the pain he felt. ~Salinye
Archaneus Posted April 15, 2003 Report Posted April 15, 2003 I really like this poem, but I have to disagree with Annael. I think in society we are far too soft on the criminals and far too strict on the people who do small unimportant "crimes." I guess that last part doesn't really fit. I think we make way too many excuses for people. If someone rapes people we always say, "Well, they were abused as a little kid." Escuse my French but that's a load of bull. Sure they may have been abused, but it was still their choice to rape someone. Sorry about the rant, I guess I just had a bad day. Anyway, great job on the poem.
Solivagus Posted April 15, 2003 Author Report Posted April 15, 2003 Is there really such a thing as an "unimportant" crime? If there is, how do you tell the difference between important and unimportant?
Vlad Posted April 22, 2003 Report Posted April 22, 2003 This is a good poem, and I can't believe I missed it earlier... The format threw me off, haveing two clauses in each line. Definetly works well with the content.
Alaeha Posted April 22, 2003 Report Posted April 22, 2003 Sorry about this, but I must voice one small criticism (critique, if you prefer). Being something of an english geek, it seems to me that many of the commas in the middles of the lines were unnecessary. If I'm wrong, feel free to say so, but they seemed to me to... tamper with the flow, damaging it somewhat. As to the victim vs. perpetrator thing, here's my view on it. I won't try to force it on anyone else, but here it is: While it is true that the perpetrators may not have done such things if, for example, they had received more attention or hadn't been abused as children or whatever else... it is also true that they have the power to choose for themselves how they cope with that. You always have the power to say "No, I'm not going to shoot this person." The victims aren't really innocent, but... My sympathies go not to those who are killed for such things, but to those who are left behind. While the one holding the gun may have been abused by his parents or ignored by those at school, it is he, and not they, who makes the ultimate decision as to whether or not the trigger on that gun is pulled. Sorry, had to say that. As to the issue of "minor crime", I would propose that a minor crime is any act which, though prohibited by the law, does not affect anyone other than the one committing the act. Examples of this would be Jaywalking or asking the Magic 8 Ball whether you would get a date to Tolo (if such were illegal). "Major Crimes" would logically be those which, like Rape, Murder, Theft, and such have a direct effect on other people. Just my thoughts. I did quite like the poem... And it must be a good poem if it's gotten so many different opinions on the message of it.
Recommended Posts