gjunon Posted March 25, 2003 Report Posted March 25, 2003 this is my most recent poem it has been some time since i have written well enjoy let me know what you guys/ girls think Walking Tears streaming down the bleak lines of infinity Every thing long lost in the desolate wastes of my mind The road to my soul can I still call it that? The infinite struggle is never so kind Running now Hard and fast as I can go A spec I am a grain of sand turning in the cool waters One of many falling ever so slow I can only run so far I cannot run far enough it seems In the dimness now the blackness is coming to life with my star The lone light on this field is it enough? Death is closing in I can feel the rope All alone I am walking ever so slow The blade I hold in my hand shivers with me The blood on it shines from my foes A scream carries no sound Time has no place for me in this waste Here I am here and now With this deep sorrow I will continue I must Down this dark road of distrust Is the end in sight? Deaths road so dark I must walk it The pathway is ahead will I see enough to find it? Is there light enough to guide me along the way Are all the pieces ever going to fit? Have I helped those souls I freed from this road Have I actually freed them Did I send them to the depths of eternity with out a guide? I am so lost now with out him Darkness bleak darkness all around now Am I still awake can I still walk unaided by my hatred Falling now the loss of crimson blood Taking its toll on my soul without even a sound Hitting the soft earth Kneeling the field before me closing in on me Darkness looming around me alone I am Is this his will his decree I am weeping Knowing I will die utterly alone The shame hangs heavily one my shoulders I did what I must I am not sorry of it I am stone Looking up into the sky With my last breath screaming Do your worst I am here now and forever Falling a snowflake falls faster am I alive? Dead now the end is here The winds of time have passed judgment on this field Blowing away now Leaving the field and all the hearts of might alone in the night
Rune Posted April 9, 2003 Report Posted April 9, 2003 (edited) Ooo its an epic poem. *swoons* I really like complete story poems. You know a poem is good where you find yourself identifying the character and following along waiting for something to happen. There is great imagery scattered throughout the poem and wonderful symbolism and comparisons to even a modern world (even though it seems to indicate it is set in a time of swordsmen or blade wielding classes). [edit] corrected some spelling errors [/edit] Edited April 9, 2003 by Rune
Peredhil Posted April 10, 2003 Report Posted April 10, 2003 It's dark but glimpses of light and purpose shine through. I had a bit of difficulty reading through it, as it seemed to imply punctuation in places that lacked it, and there were minor spelling errors. That said, this reminds me of the deep symbolism of the better animes - a Utena-type complexity. well done.
gjunon Posted April 12, 2003 Author Report Posted April 12, 2003 well i wrote this poem thinking of everything that would possibly be going through your mind when your walking that fatal road it was ment to be a little blurry and about spelling / puncuation bahh oh-well i am not the best speller :-p
Chanz Posted April 13, 2003 Report Posted April 13, 2003 I think it was a little dark, but there was a glimmer of hope in it. I thought it was incredibly well writen. I liked the way it told a story- I always love reading these types of poems.
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