Degenero Angelus Posted March 25, 2003 Report Posted March 25, 2003 Though if that were true, it'd be a lot easier. In case you hadn't noticed, I've been all but completely gone for the last few weeks. I've been going through some rather hard times, as tends to happen to people... all the time. Having problems at home. At school. With my friends. Just everything. It's one of those things that makes you feel like your life's falling apart. Everything I say is taken the wrong way, or mis-interpreted. I've managed to completely alienate two of my better friends, by saying three or four words. I've been a different person the last few weeks, and I'd really like to know why. I don't. There's no idea in my head as to why. Nothing major has changed, except my personality. It's like I just woke up one morning and decided not to be me anymore. I'm not sure I completely like this new me. I know most of my friends don't. More than one has expressed concern. More than that have expressed disgust. Things are out of my control, and I hate that. I need to be in control of my life. I've only got two stable things in my life right now. Stephanie is one of them. I can't imagine where I'd be without her. The Pen is the other one. You guys have helped me through more things than my psychologist. I love you guys. Each and every one. Even the ones I don't know as well as I should. Now that I've given you all a little slice of my mind (The bits I haven't lost already), I wanted to say thanks. Thanks for being there. Thanks for dealing with me. Thanks for reading my stuff. Thanks for everything. *group hug*
Tasslehoff Posted March 25, 2003 Report Posted March 25, 2003 Hey Ken.. No problem man.. And hey, if you ever need to chat, I am on MSN sometimes for more than my sparatic 5 minutes, so send me a message, and though I may be a bit clownish and un-orthidox, I do listen.. Or so my other friends say. Ciao dude!
Aardvark Posted March 25, 2003 Report Posted March 25, 2003 So when'll we see that hundred bucks an hour your shrink isn't earning?
Degenero Angelus Posted March 25, 2003 Author Report Posted March 25, 2003 It's only 85 Aardvark. But, if you want it call... 1 - 800 - SOMEONEWHOCARES, and ask for it.
Justin Silverblade Posted March 25, 2003 Report Posted March 25, 2003 Upon reading this, Deg, I found the immeadiate desire to respond, and say something deeply moving. Something that would convey to you a sense of thoughtfulness, comfort, and pride: A thoughtful notion for you to spend a moment with. A sense of comfort given to you by another, reaching out across the road of Life. And a message of pride to force you to realize that as much as you thank us, we owe you thanks. But I have, ironically, lost the words. It's tough you know; often I don't respond to many of these posts, or at least not very well. Not out of any notion of fear or uncaring, but I find it difficult to express the only thing I can share - a feeling or two. My life is still young. It is not without it's bliss and tragedy, but in comparison to some of the difficulties I read about other members having, I realize that I can not compare. I can not say "I know what it's like", "I've been there" or "I feel your pain" or any of the other understandings of life... but I want to anyways. So Degenero, even though I can not find the words, and cannot compare to most of what you've been though or are going though, I still feel that connection of empathy (if that's the right word), and truely hope that things turn around for the better for you quickly. Like Tasselhoff, I've always got an open ear. In the absense of my own ability to convey meaning, I'll take a page from your book to conclude, if you don't mind. Here's to a guy who I don't know as well as I should. Thanks for being here. Thanks for your literature. Thanks for being a part of the Pen. I hope you continue to do so for a great while. Keep on living. Keep on writing. - Justin
Gyrfalcon Posted March 25, 2003 Report Posted March 25, 2003 You know, I don't have anything substantial to add to Justin's eloquance, so I'll just say this: I'm glad our presence is helpful to you, Ken, and I hope that we remain so in the years to come. Gyrfalcon hugs back.
Peredhil Posted March 25, 2003 Report Posted March 25, 2003 Hugs You notice these things happen at a time when everyone is busy? Drat that I should be off the internet so much lately! The Ken I know is sensitive, intelligent, compassionate, good with using words, and a perceptive friend. You have your fallable human moments, but since I love ya, I let that love cover them and focus on the things that make you exceptional when you use them exceptionally. As a member of a family tree stained with genetic conditions, I'd venture to suggest that perhaps you be evaluated for one. Not looking for excuses or things like that. But having been raised by a Bipolar, I know the difference between the man and the condition. Somewhat like the difference between the sun and the cloud that obscures it - from the ground, they both look like they belong together. Having an Aunt who's paranoid schizophrenic, I know this isn't something she chose - and that she intelligently fights every day. Being ADD myself, I find that the right medication gives me a choice - and then I have no excuses for what I do. But just as I wear glasses without shame to focus my physical eyes, the medicine acts like glasses for my attention - so I can focus my mental eyes. Of course, none of this may apply to you, just want to make the point that when something is biologically broken, an arm, weak eyes, abdominal bleeding, dental decay, most people have no problem with getting help. It makes the same sense to get emotional help. But no matter what - you remain in my prayers. hugs and holds.
Archaneus Posted March 25, 2003 Report Posted March 25, 2003 I recently have seemed to decline from everything,as well as those same people and you, which I am sorry for. I can say that if you do want to talk, I am always here. As you well know, I have no life. Lol.
Tasslehoff Posted March 26, 2003 Report Posted March 26, 2003 Im going to hit a writing note and just talk a bit so everyone bear with me. Ken, if I may call you that, I havent known you for the longest, or actually talked to you a lot since we have met, even before The Pen, and even when we have, it seems I am just full of smart ass comments, but low and behold, there is a softer side to me.. [What are you talking about kid? dont give in] Hey! what? who! Oh.. my consence(sp?) Oh great.. What do you want [Hey now. dont sound jealous or anything] Im not.. [Well anyways.. Hey whats with that? Come on.. Snap outta it.. Dont get all mush... Tell em a joke or something] Oh hush it! *flick* [**POOF**] Erm.. Excuse me.. Back to my story here.. Ken, I dont know EXACTLY what you are going through but I know where you are in a sense. I too have a lot going on in my life, where it seems like I cant say anything without it coming out wrong, or hurting someone. But I pulled through it somewhat and you can to kid.. Just keep your chin high and keep walkin forward man.
Degenero Angelus Posted March 26, 2003 Author Report Posted March 26, 2003 I wasn't really looking for replies on this, but thanks for those who did. Those who said little, and those who said lots. I was just thanking everyone .
Brute Posted March 28, 2003 Report Posted March 28, 2003 Well, we all go through times where it would seem nothing we do is good and everything we touch ends up broken. For some people, those bad times are worse for them. Like Tas said, hang in there. I don't really know what's going on specifically, but I'm willing to tell you this and let you decide of it may apply. Sometimes, when we hurt, we push everyone close to us away, especially if they are connected in some way with the pain we feel. Try hold onto those who are close to you, and talk to them. If conversation becomes forced, or takes a negative turn, allow yourself time to cool down and think things through. Keeping close friends and people who really care about you at arm's length hurts them, along with yourself. I've made this mistake before, and it cost me greatly. Make amends, if there is need to do so. It's better to try to heal pains now, than to look back later and wish for a chance lost forever. Again, I've really no idea if any of this is relevent to your situation, but i hope that I've helped in some way. Mind you, should this leave you wondering what kind of an idiot I am, this is all entirely wisdom from the bottom of the bottle.
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