Kokuryuu Flameshifter Posted March 22, 2003 Report Posted March 22, 2003 “The storm” Clouds roll in Black, gray Dark, ominous The sky is blocked out Lightning dances Accompanied by the song of thunder Rain speeds to earth All nature is soon soaked Out come the water lovers She is among them Rain course in rivulets down her face It is turned full to the sky Lightning splits the sky Her face is lit with fleeting ecstasy A smile cracks her morbid features Long lashes encased with rain are closed Her body is drenched She welcomes it with outstretched arms Girl and storm are one It is a brief beloved unity The clouds shift Grayness lifts Light shines in The rain disperses Lighting pleads for one last dance Thunder’s voice recedes over the horizon The partners of the sky sail away She looks disappointed Her arms are lowered Water puddles at her feet Vast networks of rain form channeling down her cloths She opens her eyes No light shines in them She shields her face from the blaring sun Her face is set in a firm look Taking a deep breath, she turns She walks down the road Rain trickles down her nose Her loose hair clings to her face She looks ahead, detached--- -Ryuu :dragon4:
Distarius_WhiteRobes Posted March 22, 2003 Report Posted March 22, 2003 "That was the best video game ever!" No, in all seriousness---I really like that poem. The simplicity of the situation, the commonground pretty much everyone has when it comes to loving the storm---the quiet sadness when it goes away---That was just all around cool.
Wyvern Posted March 22, 2003 Report Posted March 22, 2003 A very good poem, Kokuryuu... In my opinion, the principal theme of the piece is to demonstrate the way that inspiration in humans can be drawn from the sublime in nature, as the storm lifts the woman to a state of "ecstasy" and afterwards leaves her somewhat "detached" from the rest of the etherial world. I really liked how you started the poem with a series of short adjectives that built up the presence of the storm, as well as the personification of nature, which was very well done and present throughout the piece. Great work.
WrenWind Posted March 23, 2003 Report Posted March 23, 2003 (edited) I wish i could paint the picture that this poem fills my head with "Thank you for the post " ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On The Cliff Standing on the edge of the cliff the wind of the incoming storm coating her in salt spray from the bay below her eyes closed in consentration oblivious to her soak through dress. Her arm rise slowly seemingly pulling the storm closer to shore behind her at the edge of a forest a man stand motionless watching her. i wrote this little snippet 06/06/03 the beginning of a story yet unwriten Wren Edited March 23, 2003 by WrenWind
Kokuryuu Flameshifter Posted March 23, 2003 Author Report Posted March 23, 2003 Thank you so much! I really liked this poem myself--the idea just popped into my head to write about a stomr... then it stormed the next day.. Wierd. Anyhow, the picture in my head was... The clouds gather over a long and dusty road. She stands walking down it--towards the storm. The storm breaks and she revels in it. Then when it ends she walks back down the long lonely road. Don't know why~ -Ryuu :dragon4:
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