Falcon2001 Posted March 20, 2003 Report Share Posted March 20, 2003 (edited) The wind blew unmercifully - It always did. The town was out of the way enough that the only trade goods were brought by caravan, and that's how the mysterious-looking stranger in white arrived, sitting lazily on the back of a caravan. When it reached the town he hopped off, slinging a pack over one shoulder and picking up a large steel cross in his other hand. His walk was easy, his clothes were old-fashioned and clean, and his eyes were the blue found only in the heart of the glaciers of Southreach. He walked out of town and directly toward the abandoned church, which stood looking like a giant wooden corpse in the sun. As he reached the large double doors leading inward, he knelt and offered a prayer, reverently bowing his head. When his prayer was finished, he opened them, walking into the abandoned cathedral. The church was in bad shape, and he had seen quite a few churches in his time. The giant stained glass windows were almost all broken, and a cold wind blew through it, rustling his white garments and short blonde hair. The pews were almost all rotting from exposure to the elements, but the main construction of the cathedral was gray stone, saving the framework from certain rotting and collapse. The pulpit had amazingly survived intact, and the tall man set his bag down there before allowing himself a smile - this place was perfect. The town was out of the way enough that he'd have some time to relax, and being a priest would be second-nature to him. He could finally start atoning for his past. A noise near the doorway startled him, and his grip on the giant cross tightened as he turned, only to see naught but a small girl staring at him through the doorway. "What do you want, child?" he asked kindly, his aggression gone at the sight of the small child. The girl looked at him with wide brown eyes like those of a deer, and pulled her thumb out of her mouth. "M-mommy says that nobody is s'posed to be here." she said. "Why are you here?" the man smiled warmly. "Tell your mother that a new priest has come to town. I'm here to take care of this town in the name of God. Would you like an apple, little girl?" he asked, reaching into his bag and withdrawing a bright, shiny apple. He grinned and shined it on his white shirt as he walked across the church to the girl, who looked at it with breathless anticipation. When he handed it to her, she looked at it warily for a few seconds as if it was going to dissappear, then put it a little basket she was carrying. "Thank you...umm...what's your name, mister?" she asked. The tall man laughed. "You can call me Father White." "Thanks for the apple, Father White." "Now run on home, dear, I'm sure your mother is wondering where you are." The little girl smiled and started running across the grassy field between town and church, leaving the man to lean against the doorway and smile. This town really was perfect. Edited March 22, 2003 by Falcon2001 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted March 21, 2003 Report Share Posted March 21, 2003 A great beginning... If you want something critical, consider this: You might want to rephrase one thing. I'm not sure single-handedly is appropriate in that context, and it doesn't seem to flow quite right. Just my thought. I'd really like to see where this goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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