Nyyark Posted March 18, 2003 Report Posted March 18, 2003 Dragon Fly A clear wing fills with light And for a second becomes A Beautiful Crystal Symphony The final note fades Quietly becoming the hall To a hushed silence Pressing Flowers A newly pressed rose Gives to the air its last scent With its final breath Chocolate The small chocolate Melts from the heat of your tounge And runs down your throat Goodnight Our farewell kiss Rest forever on my lips But is still too short
The Portrait of Zool Posted March 18, 2003 Report Posted March 18, 2003 Wow! Great use of words. The meter is not tight, but workable. It does flow. I love the contrasts. Symphony to silence. Forever to too short. The implied contrasts are even better, relying on the readers experience to build the complete image. The dragonfly's wing to bright crystal. The comfort of chocolate transformed through clinical description. The death of the rose. VERY good work!
whynotsin Posted March 19, 2003 Report Posted March 19, 2003 This one to me rang very true, applicable to many things in life not just the kiss. Goodnight Our farewell kiss Rest forever on my lips But is still too short
Zariah Posted March 20, 2003 Report Posted March 20, 2003 I noticed/ interperted several things They are all Haikus!!!!!!!!!!! The structure is in a pattern: Dragon Fly... instant life....living in the moment Symphony....fading life Pressing Life....taking life Chocolate.....savoring life Goodnight....sharing life.....could also be ending life It conveys the message, "Do not take life for granted." Also the stanzas alternates from living bug to inanimate collection to living flower to inanimate food to living persons... Each line has one word which ties directly to the titles of each stanza. I really enjoyed these!!!!!
Wyvern Posted March 20, 2003 Report Posted March 20, 2003 I echo what others have said in that this is an excellent piece of work, Nyyark. I interpreted the poem as an ode to the five senses, with each haiku stanza representing a different sense. Sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch are all represented through a dragonfly's shimmering wings, the final note of a symphony, the smell of crushed flowers, the taste of chocolate, and the touch of a goodnight kiss respectively. What I also found very interesting is that all of these images of senses are fleeting. The poem encaptures the notion that our senses are momentary as opposed to permanent, and in doing so perhaps suggests that we should take advantage of each of these moments, as any good ode would. On a side note, the fleeting imagery reminded me of a very good poem by John Keats, "Ode on a Grecian Urn", which I recommend if you haven't read it. Keats' poem also deals with the notion that sensory moments and beauty are fleeting, with the exception of those on an urn which are immortalized and remain for eternity. Once again, excellent work Nyyark!
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