WrenWind Posted March 7, 2003 Report Posted March 7, 2003 (edited) so tiny so perfect to look at every finger a miniature of my own but they say you are different they say you may not live something is wrong behind those beautiful eyes baby in a plastic box looking out through a maze of wires and tubes yet still even so small you smile and coo years later and i look into those same eyes a child in a man's body but still you smile and melt my heart Edited March 7, 2003 by WrenWind
Peredhil Posted March 7, 2003 Report Posted March 7, 2003 feels his heart lurch and skip a beat at the first two stanzas, all the flashback memories evoked. Continues reading and finds the darkness dispelled. Really reached out and grabbed me. Thank you for posting it.
Yui-chan Posted March 7, 2003 Report Posted March 7, 2003 Very nice, Wren! I was especially struck by the lines in the third stanza: "baby in a plasic box looking out through a maze of wires a tubes" They're especially emotional imagery and very effective given your theme. You ... uh... might want to take a look at your spelling and typos again, though. 'miniature' : 'plastic' : 'wires and tubes' Heh. Don't mind me, I'm the local grammar and spelling stickler.
Rune Posted March 7, 2003 Report Posted March 7, 2003 So sad at first...but A good ending. Very emotional poem, and written well. Thank you for sharing.
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