whynotsin Posted March 6, 2003 Report Posted March 6, 2003 (edited) Breath Breath come on Breath dammit, Don't do this to me, Not now please no. We still got ta go. Nothing is done Nothing attal. Please come on open up Let the air in. Thats all you have to bloody do. God what do I do? I promise I'll stay I'll even take the blame, I wont tell any one about last night. I wont tell any one about the pills Let me see those big blue eyes. Let me feel traped beneath the waves If I knew you'd go this far I would have never said goodbye I would have held you close. Please all you had to do was breath. All I needed was to hear your heart Feel your pulse Not your cold blue lips. (fixed a typo) Edited March 14, 2003 by whynotsin
Peredhil Posted March 6, 2003 Report Posted March 6, 2003 ohhhh. Usually around here we get them written from the Other Side. Good job!
whynotsin Posted March 8, 2003 Author Report Posted March 8, 2003 Thanks, lets just say I've crossed to the other side myself once or twice and have felt the empty void beyond life.
Zariah Posted March 9, 2003 Report Posted March 9, 2003 I feel the anxiety in the moment of not knowing... wanting things to be oky...but it being in the hands of another, and then.... all gone. This is sad. Thank you for posting.
Rune Posted March 13, 2003 Report Posted March 13, 2003 Pleas all you had to do was breath. <-- should be Please Having been in a similiar situation..I think you capture the mood well. The intense feeling of hopelessness of just trying to get someone to breath and live..when they are dead and cold. It also has a certain tinge of endearment which subtly lets the reader know the person attempting to revive the victim has strong feelings for them..without throwing it into your face and focusing on the wrong thing in the poem. Thank you for sharing, It was very good.
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