Deadly Nightshade Posted March 2, 2003 Report Posted March 2, 2003 Mirror on the wall Tell me what you see I am who I say I am What have I become? My dreams smashed like a wine glass Crush by my own hands Blood drips like wine I bother not to clean it Life goes by I slowly die In a tomb I made myself Is it not lovely?
Vlad Posted March 2, 2003 Report Posted March 2, 2003 Another excellent piece of work, and this time the spelling isn't a problem! Again, I recomend thinking about where you end the lines- Although it may be a personal style preference. In the second stanza, the second use of 'wine' seems a bit akward. Other than that, I only see a few little things, which I could explain via PM, if you asked. The important thing, like Peredhil said earlier, is to get it written down. You can tweak it later. I especially like the last line. It struck a nerve with me, because of events that recently transpired in RL for me. I am a firm believer that there is more beauty in small things than anything else in the world. That, and I just adore irony, when used appropriately.
Deadly Nightshade Posted March 2, 2003 Author Report Posted March 2, 2003 Do ever stop criticizing my work, I love how you do that. Thank you b/c I know I am not the best writing and no I have not been doing it for long ... and its helping me improve my skills, if any, so thanks again
Archaneus Posted March 2, 2003 Report Posted March 2, 2003 I don't have any wonderful critiquing to do, but I can say I enjoyed it.
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