Alaeha Posted February 25, 2003 Report Posted February 25, 2003 Ok, so this is one of my better pieces of work. Just posting it here to get opinions and to show that I'm not exclusively a poet. The next paragraph begins it. The grass had always been green in Helov. It was often said that there was no other place in the world that the birds sang so sweetly, or that the sun shone as brightly. And this was the most beautiful day in many years... There was not a cloud to be seen for miles about. A light breeze blew through town, just sufficient to cool those outside. For eleven months, not a sound had escaped the small house near the center of the city... It had been so long that some people had begun to suspect that Arian had left, and those who disagreed argued that he had died. Nobody was willing to go inside to answer the question. Over the months, the sense of unease that pervaded the area had driven those who lived there away... Even the birds dared not enter there. The door creaked open, hinges shrieking a protest against being used after such a long wait. From the house stepped a pale, gaunt figure in a black robe. Walking with an ease that belied his frail appearance, Arian left the old house behind. He had not gone thirty paces when it collapsed. * * * (Note: Please read the asterisks as if they were centered. That's how I intended them) Somehow, though the people of Helov had not changed visibly over the past year, they seemed different. Their laughter, their gossiping, their fun and games and joy, it all grated on his nerves. It all seemed petty and superficial. They were missing the point. Life was not about joy. He had learned that. It did not matter that soandso had won the tournament... Life was not about such trivial things. He had learned better than that. All that mattered was that you not lose. And he would not lose. These people would be the first to realize that. Walking to the center of the Town Square, he reflected for a moment, for a small part of himself remained unwilling to do what he knew he must do. These people deserved their fate. Zylaha died defending them. It was their fault that she had died, because if they had not existed, her oath to defend them would not have bound her to fight in a battle that she was doomed to lose. It was because of them that his heart had been ripped from his chest and shattered. And the Queen was no exception. She had been the one to accept Zylaha’s oath in the name of the People, so she was guiltier than the rest. The resistance within himself faded, and he began to extend his senses, until he could feel the life force of every being within the city. His master had once said that he was the most powerful Healer in centuries... That was no longer the case. He had ceased to be a Healer many months before. He had been to the darkest temples in the very heart of Hell in search of answers. And he had found them. With a short, bitter laugh, he turned his powers, for the first time, in a direction they had never before taken. His anger and hatred twisted his energies, and in an instant Helov was transformed. The grass would never again be green in Helov. The blood of the people spilled out in a flood, turning all the city red in the same moment that the curse struck the city. Until the day that the stars left the sky and all was darkness, the inhabitants of Helov would wander the city as shades, and Helov itself would be covered in blood.
Archaneus Posted February 26, 2003 Report Posted February 26, 2003 (edited) I really liked this. I think this has great potential as the prologue to a much longer story. I emphasize MUCH because I would really like to see what you make of this. I thnk you could get a medium size book if you used it correctly. As I said great story and idea. Edited February 26, 2003 by Archaneus
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