Kokuryuu Flameshifter Posted February 20, 2003 Report Posted February 20, 2003 Hate, rage and a horrible loneliness. They coursed through my soul I was alone, curled in a corner with a tear streaked face she would have wanted me to come to her for comfort, but how could I when it is half her fault? It was their problem they decided to give up, to quit, to end so why should I feel so much grief? Slowly rocking, my sobbing continued and my puffy eyes were etched with more tears how could they when they knew that they were not the only ones involved? It was their fault that they separated not ours, so why do the tears still come? My pain and self-pity soon turns to sorrow as I realize, was it me... no. It was obvious by the fighting that my thought was not true I had not forced them they decided themselves to give up on each other and start a new they filed for divorce, not me...... -Ryuu :dragon4:
reverie Posted February 20, 2003 Report Posted February 20, 2003 (edited) Very true... I've been there similar... and I think you captured the moment pretty well... gin up, young dragon... the sun will shine again... eventually... It well that you can express yourself through poetry... I went through it before i found that i had talent for writting... So without an outlet, i kinda shut down my brain for a few years... just went into survival mode... get through the day... that sort of thing... something else you could try... is use of metaphores... they can be turn pretty vivid if you have the right motavation... good luck rev... Edited February 20, 2003 by reverie
Archaneus Posted February 20, 2003 Report Posted February 20, 2003 (edited) Ah, very common subject nowadays. I can speak from experience on this issue. I think you captured the feelings very well. I think you implied the loneliness throughout the whole thing. One way I think you could improve it would be to try and express al those emotions in the poem instead of stating them at the beginning. Great work. Edited February 20, 2003 by Archaneus
Kokuryuu Flameshifter Posted February 20, 2003 Author Report Posted February 20, 2003 I wrote this 5 years after they broke up...... I was only like 7 so...*shrug* I didn't know much at all about writing, not to mention that I could definatley not have captured the feeling as well... -Ryuu :dragon4:
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