Kokuryuu Flameshifter Posted February 20, 2003 Report Posted February 20, 2003 (edited) Disillusion Alone I walk, always alone, I stand in an empty room unable to move away, Alone I am always alone without another like me, I wish to be a person, right out of my reaching grasp, I long to better myself, express my creativity but I cannot do it alone, But alone I still am, How do I change this feeling, this longing? I take a step towards one direction but I am swept back by a torrent of questions, I stand alone in the breeze, To the north my face turns and the warmth of a bright light floods over my face, It is a strand of hope, I reach for it but I am yet again cast down to my abyss, I am unable to move, I am stranded, lost within myself… -Ryuu :dragon4: Edited February 20, 2003 by Kokuryuu Flameshifter
Archaneus Posted February 20, 2003 Report Posted February 20, 2003 (edited) Wow! I'm scared. If this is bad, I'm in trouble. Great job. One suggestion, I used do this too and I still do sometimes, but it helps if you try to make all your lines approximately the same size. It makes the poem smooterh and ya. That's it. Great job again. Edited February 20, 2003 by Archaneus
reverie Posted February 20, 2003 Report Posted February 20, 2003 (edited) I like it... Don't change a thing... unless you want too... Line length matters not... unless your going for a specific style or syllable count... My line lengths come out pretty chaotic sometime. It's usually the result of my natural tendancy to stress and unstress my syllables(iamb) or trying to record a phrase for a song in my head lyrically. Nothing wrong with free form. It works rather well for spoken word poems too. Um, to answer your poem messenge. I'd say, keep reaching out. Maybe not all the time, but just enough. You might find something or someone worth while. Um, even better help someone else that reaching out like you are... Y'all might learn something from each other... take care revery the dreamlost "everything happy underground"(ben folds five) the dream continues... Edited February 20, 2003 by reverie
Kokuryuu Flameshifter Posted February 20, 2003 Author Report Posted February 20, 2003 Thank you for that, rev. -Ryuu :dragon4:
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