RE: Vlad's poem "Words"

[Cyril Darkcloud]

For those who would like to read Vlad’s poem it can be found here.

 

Vlad, your use of structure in this piece is simply fantastic. In fact, it is the visual impact of the way you placed the words on the page that gives those same words much of their effectiveness. The poem has a clear movement that can be followed with the eye and it is in following that movement with the eye that the words obtain force beyond what they would have if they were simply arranged into a conventional pattern.

 

The visual symmetry in the structure of your stanzas is nearly perfect – with the second stanza being a small amount more narrow than the first, which is itself a neat touch [intended or not, it’s cool]. The overall pattern seems evocative of a pair of wings – an image which itself evokes movement.

 

The movement of the poem itself follows the lines of these wings. The first stanza begins with a generalized dreaming and brooding that gets more specific as the lines get smaller and tighter. Each line holds its own thought and those thoughts become more focused until they reach a single point – the issue of lies.

 

The two word line “Your lies” that ends the first stanza gets immediately sharpened by the one word question that opens the second. This very sharp question opens up in the following lines into other questions that become more insistent and more general until the very broad “everyone you meet” of the final line.

 

This final line moves really quickly as the words move rapidly [good use of a quick rhythm here] only to end abruptly with that well-placed comma. That comma refocuses us again and the sudden stopping of movement leads to a sudden closing of the wings of the poem around the very lonely and isolated “Me.”

 

The single word that begins the last stanza and the final word of the poem form into a neat doublet asking the question "Why me?"

 

Simply put, this is just a super piece of work. The use of structure like this can be a bit gimmicky if it’s not done carefully and well, but you succeed very well here. I’m looking forward to seeing more of your stuff on the boards.

Edited February 13, 2003 by Cyril Darkcloud