Tasslehoff Posted February 4, 2003 Report Posted February 4, 2003 OCC: I have to be TOP 10!! as all the members around the pen gather to listen to stories, poems and play in RP alike, a short little kender hops onto a stool and starts to speak some words As I walk thru the fields Where time has stopped The memories fall down I see you walk bye, I don't know what to do All I can do is breakdown and cry I fall down, crumbling to the ground I can't think, it's raining in my head I don't know what to do All I wish is to be dead But it doesn't matter I wake up and you have disappeare bows and shuffles out the door to eat and hit the books
Justin Silverblade Posted February 5, 2003 Report Posted February 5, 2003 Nice work. "raining in my head" is an interesting image. Very nifty. It's a neat, though sad. Thanks.
Blondemoon Posted February 5, 2003 Report Posted February 5, 2003 *sniffles* That's sad Tassle, but very good. I'd like to say everyone has been there at some time or another, but I can only speak for myself on that.
Rune Posted February 5, 2003 Report Posted February 5, 2003 er, i would assume disappeare is suposed to be disappeared? or disappear? and "bye" in "I see you walk bye," should be "by"? or is it symbolic? And im horrible at poetry but this is just an idea as well. For me, it flowed a bit more natural..but obviously it all depends on what you were going for. As I walk through the fields Where time has stopped The memories fall down. I see you walk by, I'm not sure what to do So I break down and cry. (at the very sight of you) Crumbling to the ground, Raining in my head, I'm not sure what to do I'd rather be dead. But it doesn't matter I wake up and you have disappeared.
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