Archaneus Posted February 4, 2003 Report Posted February 4, 2003 Another poem, I'm on a roll. :woot: Anyway, couldn't think of words to replace forgive and farewell to make it rhyme but besides that I'm pretty happy with it. Can anyone think of anything to make them rhyme? I see it all as it slips away Why did my life have to end this way? I know not why I did this Or why everyone finds me so hideous I see myself as I float away Why did I choose this pathway? I look back on everything I’ve done I know I’ve let down everyone Everyone that’s close, everyone It all ends now, I will not fail again As I silently say farewell I hope they will all forgive
reverie Posted February 4, 2003 Report Posted February 4, 2003 hmm... 2nd stanza... 2nd line... for rythem might try: Why did I choose this path, today? or Why did I choose this path, this way? ....more hmm... well kinda hard if you wanna keep it strickly in four line format w/out totally rewriting the whole last stanza, ya know... but i try... Everyone that’s close, everyone It all ends now, I will not fail again As I silently say farewell I hope they will all forgive as silence let's slip my sail (or the sail) hope that helps... rev....
Archaneus Posted February 4, 2003 Author Report Posted February 4, 2003 Thanks for the help. Love the way you worded it.
Rune Posted February 5, 2003 Report Posted February 5, 2003 Great poem! It sounds kind of neat if you alternate the rhymes as well... I see it all as it slips away I know not why I did this Why did my life have to end this way? Or why everyone finds me so hideous I see myself as I float away I look back on everything I’ve done Why did I choose this pathway? I know I’ve let down everyone Everyone that’s close, everyone As I silently say farewell It all ends now, I will not fail again I hope they will all forgive
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